My beautiful boy, Diesel, died yesterday and I can’t handle the pain.

I don’t know what to do anymore. Diesel was my dream dog, his first birthday was supposed to be on April 5th. We just got this new house, and it’s barely been a week in it. My boyfriend was bringing the trash to end of the road, and Diesel broke off the deck to go with him. He ended up getting hit by a truck. I heard my boyfriend scream and I seen a truck pulled over. I thought someone was trying to hurt my boyfriend, then I realized the dog wasn’t by the door anymore. My heart dropped. I ran outside and there he was in the middle of the highway. He died instantly. I couldn’t handle seeing him like that, it was awful. I started hysterically crying and screaming.

We got him off the road and covered him with a blanket. And we’re making calls to borrow a truck. And some random came up and started fucking with him. I ran out there screaming at him, and he yelled at me for “leaving it there”. We were able to bring him to the vet and get him cremated.

I’ve been crying all day and yesterday, I have to fake being happy for my 4 month old son because he doesn’t know what’s going on and I can’t let this effect my motherly duties. I’m starting to get so angry, I’m trying not to lash out my boyfriend cause he seen the whole thing happened and traumatized and upset too but he should have put inside or something idk. I know I can’t blame him but it hurts so bad and I’m so sad and so angry.

We were finally going to be levelling up in his training when he was a year old, and doing the work I dreamed of doing with him. I spent the whole I’ve had with him training and working with him even while pregnant and with a newborn. So much love, time, effort and money. I don’t feel like I could handle the puppy stage again. I’m so disappointed. This is the dog I dreamed of having since I was a kid. I didn’t even get to say goodbye. I love him so much it hurts. He didn’t deserve this, he was such a sweet boy… the perfect family dog and so gentle