Burnt out. So burnt out.

There's a lot going against me, 31 AFAB nonbinary, mentally (so many acronyms my diagnoses look like alphabet soup) and as such physically too. Work is... okay for what it is but doesn't pay enough to justify the few hours I get. I'm making progress on that front in searching for something better. Fiancee lives half our state away and is my absolute best friend, yet we do have that distance. No friends outside of their circle unless you count strong acquaintances from my job where I am too afraid of infecting others with my actual personality. What I do enjoy doing, even my hyper focuses, I can't bring myself to do anymore through either force or gentle encouragement thanks to apathy.

That preamble all adds up to a whopping amount of stress. I'm going to admit I'm in the middle of a manic episode-- which I never realized was mania and was never warned to guard against-- so I'm on one of those "must self improve!" kicks. Regardless, something has to give. This isn't living. Not really. This is existing. And I want to live.

So, as a long time listener and first time caller, I humbly place the remaining embers of my burnt out life at the feet of Reddit for advice. Please help me fan them into flames again.