Why can't normies interface with reality?

Over the years I've become more and more disillusioned with engaging with people who are able to form romantic relationships I think it's mostly because the kind of beliefs which people who can have sex hold don't seem very connected with reality.

A very common piece of advice I've seen from people who can have romantic relationships is that if you just go outside and talk to women you'll be able to find romantic relationships.

To me this is incredibly bizarre mostly due to the fact that when I (and most people I know) go outside I do not immediately get women telling me how attractive they are and how much they want to date me. In fact, when I go outside regularly and see this person on a daily basis this still does not happen. Even on the scale of years. This seems to be a trend with many people I have interacted with, especially if they aren't conventionally attrctive.

Another statement that people who are easily able to have romantic relationships make is that if you work on yourself through therapy, physical excercise diet etc... you will be able to have romantic partners. At the same time, I (and I'm sure you as well) can think of multiple people who despite the fact that they put in egregious amounts of work into making themselves better are extremely romantically unattractive.

The final statement which tends to make me tune out of what normies are saying is that short, unattractive men find romantic relationships all the time. I think there was certainly a point many years ago when this was true. When I was living on my own for the first time I made it a point to actually go around and socialize with these people. The typical commonality between all of them were that they were men in their thirties or forties who met their wives at points long before things like tinder were widely accepted as regular means of dating. I will say, occasionally when I move to a new city or something like that I will find someone who is short, autistic, and visibly unattractive who is able to find a romantic partner, however, the rareness of this occurring seems to be just narrow exceptions to the rule.

Basically, I feel like people who aren't black pilled on dating just aren't paying very much attention. They're starting out with the idea that everyone has the same ability to find someone as everyone else and will cherry pick ideas to fit this narrative.

If any of you could provide evidence that 20 year old 5'7 autistic janitors can do x,y, and z to find a partner I think that would be great. However, partly due to the specificity of the ask and partly due to the fact that those people are so uncommon I doubt there's much existing study to this.

Do you think there are any objective observations about the world which could be used to convince someone that dating isn't a lost cause for people far outside of what is considered attractive?

Is it over or am I just a lost cause myself who will rationalize anything anyone says to me who should be discredited so that you can continue to say the same things you've wanted to say?

If you're already right and positive that you're already right. Feel free to ignore this post entirely.