I'm trying so hard to be patient and understanding

I'm struggling greatly and could use some advice.

Being the HL (45f) in the relationship, I am in a relationship with a LLM who also has chronic conditions that affect his libido and energy and drive to have sex. He's 47 and is dealing with a couple of significant and chronic health issues which have worsened over the course of our almost year long relationship.

First off, he has ED which he says has been a problem since his younger years and caused trauma surrounding past relationships. The ED has been exacerbated by his health issues, which include past paralyzation from which he's now recovered from but still has residual damage, and congestive heart failure. He also takes several meds for his CHF, including blood pressure medications, which can lower libido.

Secondly, he suffers from extreme anxiety and although undiagnosed, is quite possibly suffering from Asperger's syndrome or some form of ASD based on his symptoms. Everything has to be "just so", and he over analyzes and overthinks literally every move he makes, including the treatment we use for his ED during the times we do have sex, and makes it such a stringent process, and he'll totally freak out about the what ifs or if anything goes wrong..even the possibility of what might go wrong. He does the same with the actual process of sex sometimes, not limited to, but including the use of rings and other things to enhance our sex life. This will cause anxiety for him to the point of him shaking, which makes me feel bad for him, but also frustrates me.

I think my frustration would be less and I would be more apt to understand if this would have been how it was from the beginning, but in the beginning he was healthier and taking care of himself, and he's let that slide a lot, so his health issues were more stable and of less relevance, and his anxiety has worsened substantially as well. Because of that, and even though he had hang ups, he still enjoyed sex and sexual activities in general so much more, but it's gotten to a point now where I'm a mess most of the time because things have become this way, which in turn makes him more anxious and overwhelmed. It's a vicious cycle that we can't seem to get out of it although we love each other VERY much. It causes vicious arguments during which we say things we don't mean, pushing each other farther and farther away from each other.

I'm trying so hard to be understanding and patient with him, but I just wish things could be even a little like what they were in the beginning.

He is trying, he's now in therapy and said he wants to make a commitment to start taking better care of himself again so he can get back to where he needs to be, I just hope we can repair everything if he does.

I do understand I'm being selfish about my own needs with this, and I beat myself up about that constantly, but being a HLF who would enjoy sex daily even, it's been such a difficult adjustment from what I was shown in the beginning.

Thank you for allowing me to vent and advice is welcome.