I've Stopped Initiating, We've Stopped Having Sex

I'm so embarrassed that I have to come anonymous strangers online, but nothing has worked so far.

My (HLF) husband (LLM) has very rarely initiated sex or physical contact in our 10 year relationship. I am a very affectionate person and love touching, holding hands, cuddling, kissing, and sex. My husband goes along with everything, if I initiate. We have very open communication and I have spoken to him countless times over the years what I want and how I don't feel fulfilled. We are respectful and calm when we have these conversations but no lasting change. I have simply stated, I want you to kiss me first, I want you to pull me into a hug, and I want you to start foreplay.

For Valentine's Day, I bought cute underwear a few weeks before and told him about it to start building the excitement. I found a fun bar when he said that's what he wanted to do. I got home from work and spent an hour getting ready. When he came home and got dressed, I complimented how he looked, I heard nothing in return. We had a fun night and started watching a movie on the couch and I got nothing. No reaching out to cuddle or touch. I started to get tried so I got ready for bed and changed into a cute bed set, still nothing. I even did the butt wiggle. After 30 minutes he asked if we were going to have sex and I started crying immediately. I spelled out exactly what I had done to set the mood and how I felt as if he did absolutely nothing. He apologized and told me his side and we ended up having sex and it was nice. I have since stopped initiating and we haven't had sex since.

I have told him exactly what I want in very clear language, over a dozen times. I have told him I want to be wooed and seduced and to be made to feel as if I'm wanted. I have gone to bed crying because I feel so unfulfilled and undesirable. I have even slept in the guest room because the thought of sleeping next to a person who isn't attracted to me made me sick. I have suggested a sex therapist or getting health check ups and that was shut down.

Recently, I accidentally found my husband's porn search history while looking for something else. I found out there were some nights where I was crying in bed alone and he was in the living room watching porn. I talked to him about this and acknowledged I don't have anything against porn or masturbation, but doing that while your wife has been desperately trying to keep up your sex life felt pretty terrible. He once again apologized but absolutely nothing changed.

I'm at my wits end and have told him as much and he tries for a week or so, and it just goes back to nothing. I'm in my early 30s and have in the last month resigned myself to a mostly sexless life with little physical intimacy and it hurts. I dream of my husband reaching for my hand while we are on a walk outside or pulling me into him while we are watching TV on the couch or telling me I look pretty unprompted, but apparently it's only going to be a dream.