Sexually, I'm dead inside, and I'm done

39 HLM, married 7 years to 37 LLF. Sex issues long before we married but the DB situation intensified after our son was born in 2020. He is now 4.5 and was diagnosed with ASD this past summer. We also have a 21 month old son who may be autistic as well; we have an evaluation pending.

My wife, to be blunt, could not give two shits about my needs. She will have sex only if I initiate, and it's passionless and joyless. Whether top or bottom, she is quiet as a mouse and expressionless. She clearly is just waiting for me to cum. When I finish, she immediately gets dressed and runs to go watch TV with the dog. I feel like I'm sleeping with a prostitute.

Beyond bad, infrequent sex - we probably have sex 10 times a year, if that - there is no intimacy at all. She is a therapist (ironically) and totally wrapped up in her thoughts 24/7. She's aloof at best, mean and spiteful at worst.

For those curious, I am not a dipshit dad who doesn't lift a finger around the house. I WFH so I am always helping around the house. I routinely change diapers, wash dishes, wash/fold laundry, pick up/drop off our son for school, and do most of the grocery shopping. I will also watch our boys ALONE while my wife goes out with friends or her mother, which is regularly. I have no friends so she never needs to reciprocate. I get out of the house to go to the fucking store - hurrah!!

So don't give me the "oh, she's exhausted" shtick. I do more than my fair share. We're in it together.

Her callousness goes beyond just sex. Her uncaring attitude and lack of appreciation makes me feel emasculated, as if I'm a male house servant. So many women swoon over their helpful husbands. What the fuck do I get? Ignored, or ridiculed.

One time I took the day off work to put together a dresser for our son's room. It took me a few hours since I am not a handyman. Her take? "If we hired someone it would have taken 20 minutes." That's it. No thank you. No candid IG video of me putting the fucking thing togehter and her telling the world what a great dad I am. I get an insult.

Here's the kicker - we're in counseling and our therapist continuously gaslights me. No matter what I say, my feelings are invalid. I told her I think my wife doesn't respect me. My wife replied that she does respect me, so the therapist told me I need to stop being insecure.

Fuck all of this. I would get divorced if it weren't for the kids. I'm fucking dead inside. No more intitiaing sex. I will live like a fucking ghost until I (maybe) get lucky, and she divorces me. That or I drop dead.

Thanks for letting me vent.