I have nowhere else to say this

I (Straight/M22) would like to consider myself a normal, average looking person. I go to University, I volunteer, I have close friends and family all stuff like that. That being said I have a scat fetish. It's something I've kept to myself all my life like I haven't told a soul not even my ex and we dated for 3 years. I've felt alone about this until I discovered this sub reddit. Originally I was just browsing for content and stories when I found it. I browsed through a lot of your stories and originally I was gonna remain a lurker. However after reading comments and other posts I realized I might have something in common with a few of you. So here's my back story and my preferences.

It didn't start out as a fetish more of a curiosity. I don't think or at least don't know if I had a specific experience that caused it, it's sorta just been a thing for me. It didn't really turn me on until I watched myself go in the mirror. It's kinda weird getting off to yourself but it was just fascinating and arousing (sorry for the weird language idk what other words to use). It didn't fully take hold until I had an iPad and unrestricted internet access.

I was curious on YouTube one night and with my iPad I looked up "girls pooping" and got a few joke videos but a few were actual videos of girls on the toilet. This became a major turn on for me. I watched a few of those videos before deciding to try safari (that's probably all my iPad had at the time in terms of a browser). I used to use Xpee which a few of you might be familiar with but eventually started using Thisvid almost entirely.

I started to learn that I really likes watching it coming out but especially on the toilet, floor, or a counter. I also really prefer it being a thick/firm log and long. Pre-poop farts are also the hottest thing in the world especially if the poop is right on the verge of coming out. Just the sight of a pretty girls butthole doming downwards and the turtlehead emerging. The grunting while she pushes as her butthole dilates more around her turd. The slight sigh of relief after and the cleaning. I like when she talks about it but without being weird or degrading about it. Just describing what's happening or talking like it's a normal conversation. Wiping up after or leaving it slightly messy for her BF to clean (like actually clean not eat).

I think the reason I like it so much is cause it's such an intimate moment. Especially if it's paired with someone you're comfortable with. I've read a few stories of guys watching their girl friends poop and it makes me hope I can have a relationship where we're both that comfortable.

Now I said I don't necessarily relate with most peoples stories. I'm very vanilla in terms of the fetish like I really only like watching. I'm not into smearing outside of maybe dirty anal and the thought of eating scat is just not it to me. That being said each to their own.

Anyways I think this has gone on long enough so I'll stop it here. I'd be happy to answer any questions (if any) and I'd love to hear some other stories.