Offering in depth college essay reviews for the first 3 students

Hi, students. I hope you and family are safe and healthy during this difficult time.

My name is Xitang. My family migrated to NYC from China when I was 12. Both of my parents don't speak any English and never attended colleges, so I was often left on my own to figure things out in this new country. It wasn’t a straightforward path and there were many moments in my life where I hoped to receive some guidance but couldn’t. Luckily, I have always been super curious and almost obsessed with learning and moving forward. Even though I didn't get accepted into any Ivy Leagues in high school, I managed to work my way up and transfer into Cornell University my junior year. I finished my undergrad there with a major in Electrical and Computer Engineering (ECE) in 2018 and also a master in Computer Science (CS) last year. I am very involved in entrepreneurship in Cornell, and since graduating last year, I have been working on my tech startup company where I was lucky to receive investment from NYC investors. Still, I have always wanted to contribute back to the community and help others who were once in my shoes. So on the side, I started a mentorship program where I have been helping and mentoring a group of NYC public high school students on college admission (the group is mostly first generation students and immigrants).

Now I just want to do more and would like to offer in depth college essay reviews for 3 more students. My feedback would be high level at how to better structure your essay and areas to focus in order to better highlight yourself. I probably wouldn't comment on minor stuffs (styles of writing, etc) unless it is an obvious grammar error. Even though I am likely to offer the most helps to students who are first generation or planning to apply to engineering or entrepreneurship, anyone is welcomed. If you are interested, simply comment below to hold a spot and DM me a link to your essay. Also, there is reason I said "in depth college essay reviews". I believed I can best help you by actually knowing more about you. So if you are comfortable, it would be helpful if you also share more information (such as a description about your background, perhaps a resume of yours, and schools you are applying to, and why you choose the topic you are writing). This way, after actually knowing you, I can share more personalized in-depth feedback to you.

While I only have the capacity to provide in depth college essay reviews for 3 students (it is actually time consuming to think in your shoes and provide personalized feedback), I am happy to answer any general questions anyone may have in my free time. Simply comment below and I would try to get back to you.

Also, during the mentorship program, I have been sharing my learnings with my students on various topics. Below are two learnings that I personally written that are related to "writing a good college essay". And it might be a helpful read :)

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Learning 1. Balance describing the event and its influence

For students writing an essay on discussing an event, my first learning is that “Don’t focus too much on the event, and make sure to discuss more on how the event influences you”. You can read more here: https://www.tipstory.org/learning/yfzg1ySgoYh7jAi

Learning 2. It is ok to “tell, not show”

For students writing a personal essay or a supplement essay, my second learning is that: Don’t treat “Show, not tell” as a strict requirement. It is ok to “tell, not show”. And it is actually best to “tell and show” at the same time. You can read more here: https://www.tipstory.org/learning/Q9v8WoPOGBB90am