Just want to die. I’m over living. (31f)

Everyday is a reminder that my life could have been so much better if I didn’t sin so much in my early 20’s. There’s this bad guy who I keep trying to push out of my life & he keeps coming back into my life, but isn’t consistent. I let him come over bc I was feeling vulnerable & wanted to be with a man for a night. Well, im not his main girl. I feel now bc I didn’t wait to have sex, I am just someone’s b1tch, never a wife. Bc of my old sin & bc I didn’t wait til marriage, men just see me as an object & I have almost no friends. I am tired of living. I am tired of continuously pushing on. FOR WHAT? My life could have been so much better, but I didn’t do anything right. I was so angry & bitter from 18-21 only focusing on making $ & art school that I wound up flunking out anyway. I just want someone to put me out of my misery. It’s been 10 years in the lord & all I do is watch other ppls amazing lives on ig. I never used social media as much in my early 20’s so as not to compare, but I see how it could have been a benefit for me to see where I would have liked to go in life, but now it’s too late. It’s too late for a lot of things now. Time really is our most precious resource, but I just wasted it. 😞