Think I'm going to kill myself tomorrow

Planted recording in house. Listened to it, heard my Christian wife talking to her Christian friend who was basically advising my wife to cheat on me. Futhrr on the recording I hear her talking to this guy in an intamite way and planning to be with him and lying to me about stuff to cover them up. Like telling him let's go somewhere nature fridta Saturday Sunday and she'll tell me it's with some girls. Then bad talking me to him. So at minimum it's emotional cheating. I confront her, she denies, says they don't have relationship, I send her recording of her and her friend discussing being with this guy. She says I misunderstood. Sent her the recording of her and the guy. Ignoring me all day now.

Yesterday called friend crying asking to come round. They let me stay at theirs last and this night. Got go home tomorrow. Can't eat can't sleep keep crying thinking. Want to see her tomorrow at home to talk but think cos she knows I know that she'll stay away. She's here on spouse visa, her being here requires our marriage. Half of my mind is telling me to kill myself tomorrow if she doesn't turn up. The other half is thinking I should go to their church tomorrow and publicly expose him and the friend.

I can't think dtrw6ght. I can't go to work next week. Got new job straying in 16th Sep and it's all a mess

I was raised Christian but over these past years with alot of marriage problems I've turned away. And this one hits me hard cos I never thought she'd do that even though we had problems. And hearing her Christian friend pushing for her to cheat and break up on me. Then this guy is Christian aswell. Wtf. Im losing my mind completely. My dad always spoke about salvation and that you can't lose your salvation if your Truly saved. What am I? I was raised Christian, I believe in God, Jesus and that he died for me. But now I don't follow, and I don't even know if I love him. I'm messed up. If I die do I go to hell. I know no 9ne can answer. I'm just thinking.

Edit. Thank you for all of your comments. I'm too messed up to reply but just know that I'm thankful and am reading them

Edit. Some comments asked if I'm still here. Just wanted to say thank you to you all. And yes it's 8 50am uk time and I'm here reading comments. Had few hours sleep. Thank you

Edit. 20/09/2024. Just dropping a quick edit so people know I'm here, mainly feeling lost. Still having some very bad days but other days that are better. Thank you all for everything. It really has helped me alot.