Friends don’t understand

I lost my mom to suicide when I was 10 and my dad to cancer when I was 29. The most isolating part of this is that everyone thinks I’m okay now, two years later. I feel so alienated from my peers. I get compliments on how well I’m handling things, and how happy I seem. The truth is, I go on because I have no other choice, but inside, I constantly feel like the kid who lost their parents at the airport. I can’t cry in front of anyone, and I know my friends don’t understand the depth of this pain.

A friend recently said she’s proud of how well I’m doing, and inside I actually felt so angry about it. I’m mad at everyone for not seeing the pain I’m carrying, even though it’s my fault for not showing it. It’s like I’m invisible. I feel like many of my friends weren’t there during my darkest moments, and it leaves me feeling so unseen. Does anyone relate to this feeling?