Did your parents influence your childfree decision?
I grew up with an almond mom—but she was more than just that. She constantly ridiculed me, body-shamed me, skin-shamed me, and even shamed my curly hair. If you can think of it, she’s probably done it. On top of that, she’s a narcissistic mom—but only to me.
My sister, on the other hand, was the golden child who could do no wrong.
Recently, my sister (who's in post-grad) came to visit me, and she casually mentioned how she can’t wait to marry someone our parents pick. She just wants a husband as a sperm donor so she can become a mom.
I’ve always known this about her—her life goal has been motherhood. Meanwhile, I turned out to be the exact opposite. I’ve seen the worst sides of my mom, and I refuse to repeat that cycle. But my sister had a different mom.
Coming to the point, I feel like my entire decision on being childfree (something I decided as young as 8 years old) was heavily impacted with the kind of men I have around me and most importantly my mother. My reasons include:
- Financial situation- I just can't afford, I'd rather spend it on myself.
- Global climate crisis- I can't bring a kid to this world when the climate is shit.
- I just don't like children.
- Can't find a partner who's an equal to me to show the kid to have higher standards for themself or take up child-rearing duties. Almost all men suffer from the Raja-beta syndrome.
- My body and my mental health won't be able to take it. Mental peace aside, I worked a LOT to get the body I wanted. And I cannot risk that for bearing a fucking child (call me selfish or whatever, but I like my body the way it is).
After talking to my sister, I guess I realized just how much my mom is responsible for my decision. I’ve been overweight since I was 14, and I have health conditions that make weight loss incredibly difficult. The medical system here is useless when it comes to understanding women's bodies, so I had to figure out everything on my own.
For years, I struggled with an eating disorder before finally reaching a stage where I have a healthy relationship with food. I refuse to go through that battle again for a pregnancy I don’t even want.
And weight gain during pregnancy? Inevitable. Given my body type, it would show up instantly—that’s if I’m even fertile to begin with.
You’d think my mom would have eased up by now. Nope. She still picks on me—
- My pants “don’t match my figure.”
- I “look fat.”
- My medical condition would go away if I “ate less and worked out more” (while I was already doing 20-hour fasts daily and working out six days a week).
So, yeah. No thanks.
I guess I would like to know how much were your parents responsible for your childlfree decision that's independent of your own personal opinions?