Understanding cancer .

Hello my lovely cancers. I’ve had a long term relationship with a close cancer friend ( 10 plus years) . When things are great they are great but whenever I have an issue with them and I try to address it by having an adult conversation in the best approachable and appropriate way but they become dismissive and combative and act like how dare I ever address they are less than perfect . Having my boundaries and needs dismissed by my friend is very hurtful . On the other hand whenever they may be upset with me about something they won’t address anything . They just treat me bad and never give me a chance to apologize, learn from my mistakes or get insight on how to better support their boundaries. Then one day they start to act normal again and expect me to follow suit as if I didn’t recognize how rude they were for like two to three weeks straight . I guess they call themselves punishing me but the way I see it we’re adults . Someone going out of their way to try to hurt me normally goes over my head unless it’s blunt . Then I’m in control on how I react so . It’s kind of like watching a cat play with a fake toy rat. They think they are destroying the rat but it’s an inanimate object that isn’t registering the pain that’s being inflicted .

Also it’s no secret that Pisces are nurturing right ? I learned with this friend that they insist on nurturing me like a child .For context I’m single , have lived on my own since I was a teenager , don’t depend on anyone for anything if I want something I work my a** off to get it . I bring this up because in some way ( despite my personal success) I recognize that me accepting their nurturing ways also makes them treat me less than on another hand . Ive noticed patterns that they think because you need them that makes them superior when in reality I only did it because not only did they insist I could tell that they needed to feel needed in our friendship. It doesn’t feel like a big deal until I recognize the caveat it comes with.

This cancer friend also likes to force how strong they are on me and others . When I try to show up for them in a nurturing way as I believe reciprocation is vital in relationships they decline . They insist they don’t need help when it’s really clear they do. So what I’ve concluded is that they can help everyone else but no one can help them ? Then will say things like “check on your strong friends “ 🥴. Hello !! Your friend here ! Remember when I called , took you out to lunch LITERALLY asked if you were ok and you made it seem like I was reading too much into things? To say the least it feels like gaslighting .

I’ve explained all of this to ask is this the emotional manipulation that people have spoken about with cancers? From my experience the ball is always in cancers court when it comes to anything emotional. There is no room for anyone else’s feelings . They may make you think the ball is in your court for a second but sooner than later your met with their controlling patterns that show you you were never equally being taken into consideration . I’ve recently stopped talking to this friend after the last boundary had been crossed . I love them but I’m tired of being treated badly instead of them using their words so that we can grow as friends . I don’t deserve that. I’ve been a good friend . But for my own personal growth I’d really like to understand . Of course I don’t contribute all of this to being a cancer but I feel like I’m on the right path to start.

And for those who choose to respond please don’t take this post as me bad mouthing cancers . I’m just expressing my experience and would like to try to understand things from a different vantage point . Thanks .