I feel terrible forcing medicine on my cat-I'm afraid she thinks I'm abusing her

I feel terrible when I rudely force medicine into my cat. The poor little thing kept spitting out the extremely bitter medicine, and I had no choice but to roughly pry open her mouth and try to toss the pill in again and again, hoping she'd swallow it.

Eventually, I gave up and ordered a pill feeder. I feel awful, as if I was abusing her. What would the poor cat think? A friend she's always trusted—one she sleeps next to peacefully, one she approaches for affection—suddenly becoming harsh and forcing her repeatedly for no reason. She must be confused, scared, and feeling betrayed.

Even though afterward I gave her two cat treats to soothe her emotions, I still feel really sad every time I think about how I forced her to take the medicine.

Edit:

Hi everyone, I just wanted to say thank you so much for all your kind, thoughtful, and encouraging comments. English isn't my first language, and honestly, accepting kindness often makes me feel avoidant and breathless. Your supportive messages today genuinely surprised and deeply moved me—I truly appreciate your compassion and warmth.

I'm really sorry I haven't replied to most of you yet. I'll do my best to respond soon. Also, just a quick update: thankfully, my cat doesn't seem upset at all. She's still sleeping beside me peacefully, which has brought me a lot of comfort. I'll gently try again with the pill feeder once it arrives.

Thank you all again, from the bottom of my heart.