Anyone else feels literally unable to love?

Just turned thirty and I don't think I've ever really loved anyone. Not my mother, not my friends, neither of the 12 people I've attempted a relationship with. Maybe not even my dog.

It's like all I can do is imitate. Say the right things, act the right way. I think it's instinctual people pleasing, because it always feels pretty genuine it first. Then I stop and realize that I've just been going through the motions again. Manipulating others to get my needs met.

People often complain all they want is to be loved. All I want is to love. Really, truly love someone. But I can't.

It's like that part of me had been completely blocked off.

It's like the only times I seem to really want someone is either when I get limerent about them before we even talk, or when they conclude I'm not worth it and move on.

It's like I'm wired to never, ever be satisfied and happy. A part of me knows that love grows out of conscious commitment rather than initial chemistry, but how am I supposed to commit to someone when I'm empty inside.

It feels so lonely and hopeless.