so sick of everything man

bhai i just feel like giving up at this point

so mera IT ka exam hai tuesday ko and mai thora sa chill kar rahi thi cuz i thought i can manage to complete IT within the last 3 days as mujhe waise bhi aadat hai last moment mei IT ko padhna. now my mom wants me to complete IT asap and chill but bhai i dont know why but im taking too much time for a single chapter bcz of which i am feeling even more demotivated moreover she is giving me the gussa waala attitude and mujhe beech beech mei taana maar rahi hai which is making me feel so guilty. upar se aaj holi mei (happy holi sabko btw) i just played holi with my friends for like 1 or 1.5 hours max and then i went home and my mom was so pissed at me for playing holi like dude i just want to have fun with my friends ive been grinding for months now and mujhe thora sa break chahiye to just rejuvenate and get back to the final grind for IT

i have always been like the kindof disciplined and perfect student and i always try to control myself from doing the stuff i love or doing masti and shararat with my friends so that i can focus on my studies but now im not being able to control myself and im becoming kindof indisciplined and lazy and my mom is not liking it she is giving me the death stare (which is actually scary🤡) every time she sees me watching tv or youtube

i mean i know she wants my good and she wants me to perform well in my exams but i am just feeling so tired of being perfect all the time, but my mom doesnt understand and she becomes so sad and sometimes even blackmails me if i dont do anything according to her and me being extremely sensitive, feels soooo guilty abt it

im stuck in this emotional turmoil sort of thing like i want to watch youtube and chill and play games but at the same time i am feeling super guilty for not agreeing to my parents and not studying properly and seeing them unhappy just makes me so sad like i dont know im just so confused, pata nahi yaar its either me sacrificing my happiness for them or sacrificing their happiness for my happiness (i hope yall are getting what i mean😭🤡) just too much is going on in my head mai theek se express nahi kar paa rahi like im feeling that my thoughts are right but wrong at the same time