1 year update and advice š¤
Hiiii.
I was on here one whole year ago in the exact same position as probably a lot of you - heartbroken and wanting to be back with my ex so I thought Iād share how my journey has been for the past year to hopefully make your journey seem that little less scary <3
It hurts. I wonāt lie it really hurts. Your chest burns and you canāt breathe and the whole world feels like itās ending and there is no escape and the only way youāll feel better is if you and your ex are back together. That goes lol. It doesnāt hurt forever. Youāll breathe again. The world isnāt ending as you know it - I always told myself to see it as a chapter finishing and a new chapter beginning. And yes the unknown used to frighten me but it doesnāt anymore.
I worried about feeling lonely. Me and him did semi long distance, so we only saw eachother 2/3 nights every one and a half weeks, and when we didnāt see eachother we called all night. So the nights worried me. Every night my best friend would call me for the first few weeks and stay on the phone until I fell asleep until I didnāt need her to anymore. When me and her stopped night calling, Iād watch something on Netflix or Disney and fall asleep to that (I found The Walking Dead to this and !!! highly recommend if you havenāt seen it). I started to get into a new routine of not calling him and instead watching something and that became my new normal and I was okay with that.
I tried speaking to guys on Tinder but it was too soon and honestly I was enjoying being by myself. I didnāt want to rush anything to fill a gap and I am so so happy I didnāt and stuck by myself. I slowly started getting it into my head that I have no timescale. It didnāt matter if I was 18, 28 or 58. I could move on and date someone new whenever I wanted. There was no rush. I mean, Iām now 23 and happier than ever. So please take this bit of advice - there is no rush. There is no timescale. I donāt care if your friends are having babies, or if your sister is engaged. It. Does. Not. Matter. You are doing life at your own pace - and that is okay.
After awhile things just fell into place. I lost weight, I got a new piercing, I went on nights out, I travelled around the UK a little (out of the UK travelling begins 2023). I passed my driving test and got my first car. I found peace in all these little things - but they were milestones to me.
I did a lot of reflecting and honestly - Iām glad that relationship ended. He wasnāt for me. Hell, I remember seeing the red flags from the beginning and googling āis it normal for my boyfriend to say xyz to meā - I SHOULDāVE RAN ha! But I didnāt. Because thatās love. You stick around. I knew in the back of my mind I didnāt want to be with him, I guess that thought just never appeared at the front of my mind.
So, a whole year later, Iām healthier. Iām happier. I have been discharged from all mental health services and taken off of my mental health medication. Iām driving here there and everywhere and enjoying it. Iām about to move in with my best friend next month so we can both save a lot of money for travelling. Iām happy. And I really mean that. (Iām also seeing a guy and I really like him but want to take things extra slow & heās okay with that š)
As for him, I donāt know where he is or what heās doing. The last I heard he had been put on mental health medication and deactivated a lot of his social media. I havenāt bothered to reach out in a very long time - the last time I did was at the beginning of the year and it was about some stuff of his I had found. I just simply do not care what heās doing. I donāt hate him for the things he said or did anymore and I honestly hope he has found or can find peace within himself.
Life gets better if you allow it. Take that time to heal. It could take months, years. It doesnāt matter. Thatās your personal timeline and thatās fine! Because in 5 years or 10 years it wonāt matter anyways. And eventually, in 70 years or 80 years - none of it will matter at all. Because we wonāt be here. And I promise, 80/90/100 year old you will definitely not be crying about the girl or boy who broke their heart when they were younger.
Let them go and wish them the life they deserve. Not the best. Not the worst. Just the life they deserve.
This time last year, I was begging a boy to simply be nice to me after a miscarriage and to just love me the way I deserve to be loved. A year later, I have shown myself the love I deserve and been shown it from friends and family (and the secret guy who Iām seeing hehe)
Look after yourselves. Let it hurt then let it go. All the best š