I have to let you go

2 months ago you told me you loved me more than ever. And then a few weeks later you weren’t sure anymore. You said you needed to figure things out by yourself, gain more (sexual) experience.. The last month together was hard. We still had some good days and I fought like hell for us, but your doubts and fears of missing out were to strong, I guess. And then last week you broke up with me!

I know you also ended the relationship for me, because you knew I was hurting, always waiting for you to text me back, give me the attention and love I deserve. I thank you for that. I thank you for realising that making me wait longer wouldn’t have been fair. Maybe one day we can be friends or we get back together if it’s meant to be.

But now everytime I text you, you seem so cold, like you are already over it. As if all the feelings were gone. I think you are probably just pushing away all the doubts and the sadness, because you think the break up is the best thing for now and you don’t want me to get my hopes up. But it hurts. Feeling like you don’t care at all hurts. Seeing you liking other girls pictures hurts. But maybe you only do that to get me out of your mind. And I understand that!

I know that we will both find happiness someday. Maybe together, maybe with someone else. For now I wish you all the best and I hope that one day you will be ready to confront your own feelings and think about what happened.

Knowing that we ended things before we started hating each other and breaking everything eases my pain because I know that if you find your way back into my life (as a friend or a lover) we can have a new start without any hard feelings, and if you stay gone I will be able to look back at those 3 happy years with you without having any regrets.

Tomorrow I‘ll meet you one last time and I‘ll tell you all those things I forgot to say when we broke up. I want you to know that I‘ll move on and that I won’t contact you anymore but if you want to talk about us, I‘ll be there!

You will always be my first love and I still love you more than my life, and that’s why I have to let you go! It’s gonna be hard, I’m gonna struggle and cry and feel like I’m dying, but I know that happiness will find me again someday!