it really does get better 🥰

it’s been seven months since we broke up and six months of no contact. zero. nothing.

it was tough—heartbreaking, painful, sad—and some days, really really hard, because this was someone i thought i'd get to grow old with. but i’m determined to heal, and i know deep in my bones that i deserve so much more.

so i clung to whatever kept me from breaking no contact. some days, it was anger. disgust. shame. pain. other days, it was the lingering love i still had for them—staying away is still an act of love. respecting their decision to walk away from a relationship they no longer wanted is proof i truly loved them.

last week, my ex reached out. he sent a message apologizing for being inconsiderate, selfish, and bad at communicating. he said, among other things, that he was grateful for what we had, that our memories outweighed whatever shortcomings we had, and wished me well. i don’t know what made him reach out, but i found myself not wanting to reply. not wanting to reconnect. not wanting to be friends.

there are still days when i miss him and wonder about what could’ve been. but i have a better grip on how things actually are now despite his absence and it’s still beautiful! i am happy with where i am right now and i have a clearer vision of the kind of relationship i want in the future. no more settling for crumbs when i deserve an entire feast.