Feeling stuck after 6 months

It’s been 6 months, I feel stuck.

20F, dated my ex for just shy of a year.

He was pretty stoic and while we tried to remain on good terms it ultimately wasn’t possible. Friendship wasn’t sustainable.

The TLDR of our breakup was overall incompatibility, as well as him wanting to experience the “college experience” (frat life, hookups).

We havent talked since December, 2.5 months of NC. I recognized that we can’t be together, however I think about him constantly. I care about him and genuinely still spend a lot of time caring about him.

At the end of the day, I know we can’t be together and it that it won’t happen. Yet in my heart I still care and have love (even if it’s not romantic for him).

Also, ive been dealing with Major Depressive Disorder in conjunction with this. I’ve been feeling SI both passively and actively. I have stabled out now, but just genuinely not doing well.

Any advice / feedback would be appreciated, I don’t want to feel this way forever