Why no contact doesn’t work for some

It doesn’t work when it‘s implemented the wrong way and for the wrong reasons.

Because there are way too many misconceptions about it out there that simply aren’t true and don’t work at all.

Also because contrary to popular belief, no contact in and of itself isn’t a magic pill that instantly solves all the problems between you and your ex.

Neither is there ever a guarantee that they will be back by the 30, 60 or 90 day mark.

Rather, it‘s a lifestyle-choice, an act of self-respect to protect your inner peace, to avoid wasting your life away in a toxic, dead-end, abusive and one-sided relationship with someone who will never reciprocate nor love you in a way that is fair and just to you, who will never take accountability for themselves and their own behaviors.

And even if they happen to come back, you will most likely break up for the same reasons as before, especially if you or them or both of you haven’t done any serious healing and self-improvement during the no contact period.

Because silence and distance alone simply isn’t enough to heal and repair a relationship.

In order for a relationship to heal, both, I repeat, both sides need to:

• Be aware of and own their chunk or behaviors that contributed to the breakup (many exes just never do that out of pride and ego).

• Behave in a way that allows for a harmonious, mutually respectful, healthy and stable relationship to exist.

• Be equally willing to reconcile and improve things (we can’t love or beg someone into loving and wanting us. I.e. if they just don’t want it, then don’t get into a relationship with them).

• Respect each other to an equal degree.

• Have deep alignment.

If these criterias aren’t met or are too out of balance, then they’re simply not the kind of person with whom you can have and build the kind of relationship with that you have in mind.

In which case you really have no other choice but to ask yourself if you really want to remain stuck in such low quality relationships.

That even though you may love them still, they’re not the kind of person who appreciates and respects that love.

So, in order to make no contact work for you, you got to realize first that the entire purpose behind it is to help you move on and heal, to reconnect with yourself, not with your ex.

It‘s done for you, not for them.

When you decide to walk away and set up no contact indefinitely, you have to genuinely and authentically mean that and stop approaching it like a game or some kind of power-play.

You just can’t half-ass it.

Because your ex will know and intuitively sense it when you do it solely as a way to 'make them miss you' or to manipulate them into coming back. It will push them away further.

Likewise, they will also know and feel it when you‘re serious about it and do it to genuinely heal, process and rediscover life without them. Which may or may not gives them an incentive to seriously improve themselves.

Then it starts working for you.

But, only if you‘re serious about it, when you’re doing it for yourself and when you put in the work on top of just being silent or distant and then hoping for the best.

You also got to take action and stop sitting idly by.