Before you do anything else, you need to do the following (otherwise no contact won’t work):

1. Accept that you cannot control or change the way they feel.

Assume that it’s over and that any attempt to change their heart and mind is going to hurt you and backfire with the way things are right now.

Because when you keep holding on to the hope of a reconciliation, it sabotages your efforts to improve and becomes more of an obstacle and liability than something useful and helpful.

2. Be aware that this chasing is a downward spiral and a strategy that doesn’t work.

Because especially if they were the one to leave or when they lost respect, they’re going to view you as below them in terms of awareness, power, personal growth, social status, attractiveness and themselves as above you in those aspects.

Therefore, chasing them will only push them away further and hurt you more and more.

3. Make a decision to walk away and mean it.

To let go, heal, improve and transform or positively change your life.

Because we can’t have the results of healing and positive change while holding on to and choosing the comfort of staying the same.

If you do this correctly, the following no contact guide is going to create the results you want.

Cut them off. Block, delete and unfollow them on all social media

The reason you need to do this is simple.

It’s because when you’re at a point where you obsess over their social media, text or call them daily only for that to get nowhere or constantly check for messages form them as soon as you wake up, access to their social media is giving you too many opportunities to break no contact and to keep chasing them.

You won’t give your brain, soul and heart any opportunity to heal and let go if you keep the doors open. To improve things.

To emotionally, psychologically and spiritually adapt to the changes the breakup initiated in your life.

So this is like breaking a drug addiction. The best way to break such addictions is to put your foot down and do it cold turkey. To cut off all the supply (in this case their social media, as it feeds and satisfies your emotional addiction and attachment to them).

Something else I need to mention about this is that many people think that blocking and completely cutting them off is somehow rude and comes across as insecure.

This isn’t true and more of an excuse people give in to too easily.

Because more often than not, your ex doesn’t care about you, how you feel and what you do. They just don’t give a fuck anymore. So might as well mirror their behavior.

Go ahead and do it anyway. Stop giving a fuck about what they think because it truly doesn’t matter.

Stop doing things in reaction to them. Start doing them for yourself, for a better quality of life, for more self-confidence and for more healing.

Practice no contact the right way

Once you set up no contact the right way and once you set yourself up for healing and to facilitate positive change, it’s about practicing it the right way.

Because there really is a right and wrong way to do no contact.

The wrong way to practice it:

Doing no contact as a way to punish them (because that would be you doing things in reaction to them).

Doing no contact solely as a way to get them back.

This will keep you stuck because the hope still lingers on a subconscious level and because you will still be waiting for a reconcilation while being in a new relationship.

Breaking it repeatedly and rarely or never getting past the 1 week to 3 months mark if it's already been well over 6 months since the breakup.

Believing that the silence and distance alone is going to heal you and do all the work.

In other words, sitting idly by and not taking action or building and improving yourself and your life during no contact.

Trying to decipher the meaning behind every little thing they said/say or did/do by treating them like an A-list celebrity and yourself like their fan.

This is just not getting you anywhere.

The right way to practice it:

Doing no contact as a way to assert your personal boundaries and to put an end to all the chasing, the being taken for granted and the rejection. To take your power back and rebuild your self-respect.

Letting go of the triggers, urges, feelings and emotions to reach out instead of blindly giving in to them and letting them control you.

When these urges come up, remember how previous attempts to reach out and changed their mind and heart worked out and led to.

It won’t be any different this time.

So don’t give in to your little excuses. Let go of the emotions that drive this behavior instead.

Owning your chunk through self-reflection, even if the breakup was 90% your exes fault.

Because this way, your focus and energy go towards what you can control, not on what you can’t.

You’ll be able to improve as a person and as you do no contact.

To improve the behaviors that contributed to the breakup and to double down on the qualities that make you very attractive to others.

This is how you transform the pain of the breakup into growth and purpose and slowly reclaim your power.

Replace old and toxic habits with new high quality habits.

Some high quality habits for breakups are:

1. Working out.
2. Journaling instead of waiting for a text or call from them.
3. Becoming aware and letting go of the outdated survival mechanisms that once served you but no longer serve you now and only stand in your way.
4. Exploring your beliefs around love and relationships, then replacing them with newer and better or empowering beliefs.
5. Healing attachment problems through inner child healing (read my guide on how to do this: Healing the inner child)
6. Nurturing relationships with friends and family members.
7. Taking aligned action towards your short-term and long-term goals.
8. Making time to grief and let go of sadness.

Stop seeking self-confidence, security, love and validation in them. Start generating this from within yourself

One big misconception many people have about their ex post-breakup (my past self included) is that the ex can somehow make them whole, happy, secure or whatever by providing words of affirmation and treating them like their boyfriend or girlfriend.

This is a limiting belief.

Because it’s not good to put your happiness into someone elses hands all the time. Especially not into the hands of an ex who doesn’t care anymore.

That’s like pouring water into a cup that’s closed off. What winds up happening here is that the water will spill everywhere and make a mess.

Works the same way if you direct your love, energy and attention towards a person who doesn’t reciprocate.

So what’s the solution?

Move on. Walk away and mean it. Pour all this energy, love and attention into your own cup.

Stop expecting your ex to treat you like their boyfriend or girlfriend by accepting that it’s over.

Start becoming aware of the fact that you’re already whole and complete in your own right and have always been this way. You just developed some limiting beliefs that made you forget this truth.

Don’t let fear hold you back

Because fear is really just your ego trying to keep you safe in the familiar.

But what feels familiar and safe isn’t always good for us.

So choose courage over fear.

Trust in the process, be patient and consistent, realize that you can do this and start thriving.