Pissed that I still struggle quitting kratom and nicotine for good

I've enjoyed a fantastic 6 months of sobriety namely from alcohol, just hit it the other day. I'm no longer out doing club drugs and stuff like years ago, and it just feels great. I believe this is the third longest stretch of sobriety in my life, the others being 3 years and 1.5 years. Being older, having a family, a promising career, and really supportive people around me has me feeling very confident about it. While I do fine in environments where people are drinking, I'm just not in them much anymore so that's surely helped too.

However, every winter is a battle. It usually leads to one alcohol or benzo fueled meltdown, which did not happen at all this year!! But then it's usually followed by drinking kratom on and off through the next few months until winter ends, and when that sun returns, I have no issue stopping. Given my overall progress, I've been congratulating myself this winter instead of being harder on myself. Year over year, I have dramatically improved my life as a whole, addiction and otherwise.

I've set a few quit dates for kratom (which I usually drink a few days on, a week or two off), and nicotine (which I quit for over a month at the new year). Because of this, I don't expect terrifying withdrawals. I do however have way too much tied to both as far as habits.

My life has still gotten a little more boring the last 9 months or so. No travel really, work has slowed down, I have fewer friends these days (who all have commitments too), and I'm in a much healthier relationship that doesn't occupy all my time scrambling to solve problems. I'll start a fresh new day, no cravings or anything, but I swear as soon as I go outside (I live in NYC) the immediate stress leads me to pick up another vape pen. Then settled at my office (or home on weekends) I get bored after my morning work routine is done, the ongoing construction under my office begins, so I escape to the kava/kratom bar for a few hours to work around others and not hear pounding impact drills half the day.

It's weird because alcohol has hands down always been my most destructive vice (or maybe benzos, but not as drawn to those), and once I quit for a few days, I'm free for a long time. But kratom and nicotine, being relatively less destructive, are much harder to avoid. I sit there at my office, do my work, and in between it, I just watch the clock tick by. Yes there are busier days still sometimes, but not as often. I try setting up more stuff to help my staff, but there's only so much I can do. The kicker is, I know my motivation in general would surge after 1-2 weeks of stopping both habits.

It's just getting over that damn hump of a few days. I almost wish I could handcuff myself at home and force myself to stay put for 72 hours!

Hoping for any advice here. It's hard to find interests to distract me - they tend to have to be high level ones (building a computer, working on a car...not collecting coins or going for a walk). But when I stop and the motivation drops, it basically rules everything out, and I eventually crack. The worst part? I usually crack within an hour, not a day or anything I could more easily work with.

​

Edit: one thing that has helped me clear it all up in the past is travel. I visited my parents for Christmas, no issues. Visited Mexico early in the winter, and the nicotine withdrawal sucked, but I just strolled around and chilled, and it passed. Returned to NYC and fucking cracked within hours from swarms of people yelling and screaming. But money is tight right now...or I'd go visit some friends I have in Ecuador.

Another thing that has definitely not helped is my temporary 1 year return to NYC, so my life (and hobbies) are in a storage unit in NC. My apartment is very nice, but it's small and really only gives me access to my sofa, TV, and bed. Not a lot to do. But again, if I could get over that 1-2 week hump, I become more active and can go wander the city and stuff.

Lastly, I'm not sure if this has helped or hurt, but I did start ketamine therapy this winter. It's helped my depression and stability MASSIVELY - I'm not blowing friendships, I'm much more calm, I'm taking very positive steps with my job and career. But it's the first time in my life I constantly get this feeling where I NEED...SOMETHING. I'm guessing that's the boredom, but I know ketamine does mess with dopamine. Even focusing several ketamine sessions on breaking these bad habits has only proven minimally effective. I fight as hard as I can the whole session to burn into my brain that I am strong and do not need these things, but it fades the next day when I "need something" again.

The one really good asset I have right now? I've never in my life wanted to eliminate these annoying habits more than I do now. I would do nearly anything to break them and keep them out of my life, and I feel confident that I can stay away from them for good if I can break them once more. Like really really confident.