AIO my best friend’s bf smacked my butt?

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Far_Astronaut8024

Originally posted to r/AmIOverreacting

AIO my best friend’s bf smacked my butt?

Trigger Warnings: possible sexual harassment

Mood Spoilers: all ends well

Original Post: March 5, 2025

I am currently in my room writing this while everyone else is in the kitchen/living room and idk what to do. My large group of friends (all 24/25f) always rent out a house for a week this month bc four of us have birthdays this month. This year, I happen to be the only single one in my friend group. I get along with all of my friend’s bf so even though I am like a 9th wheel, I haven’t really felt left out or weird this whole time… until today.

One of my closest friends, Sarah (25F) has an older bf, he’s 36. He’s a nice enough guy. They’ve been together since around this time last year and I’ve gotten to know him a little since, and never got any bad vibes.

Well, this morning, I am in the living room doing my workout. I am a very dedicated fitness person so I workout most days, which is something me and this guy have in common because he’s a personal trainer.

He walked into the living room while I was in the middle of my stretches/warm up, says good morning and we chat (as I’m still working out) about some fitness stuff. The convo is winding now, while I simultaneously go into a forward fold. As he walks past and says “Okay well… keep up the good work!” he smacks my butt, and walks back to his room. I immediately stop everything and go into stunned silence.

This was hours ago, I don’t know what to do. I am horrified that he’d think that is okay. He is a trainer so I understand maybe he was trying to be encouraging but what?? I don’t think it was meant in a sexual way but I am very uncomfortable now. Do I tell her? Do I tell my other friends? I don’t want to ruin the trip but I feel so icky now like I am hiding something.

Edit: thanks for the replies so far guys. I just wanted to add this in case it’s relevant. The ONLY thing that has ever made me slightly uncomfortable about him in the past is that he’s been pretty persistent about working out with him as a trainer every time I see him and I always decline bc 1. I can’t afford it and 2. I like to work out alone. I always thought he was just trying to drum up business, which could still be true. Also he’s made jokes about me being bisexual but that’s kinda par for the course in my friend group since I’m what they loving call their “token half-gay”

I think I’m just gonna be like “hey man, you probably didn’t mean anything by it but if you could not touch my butt in the future that would be great” and try not to make a big deal out of it. What do y’all think?

Relevant Comments

Downvoted Commenter 1: So, like, a butt smack like guys do in a team locker room kind of thing? Like the one you see pretty much any given weekend watching football? That kind of “smack”?

Feel free to say something. You have a bubble and cannot be touched, okay. It does seem a bit of doublespeak to say you don’t think this was anything sexual and also be like oh, so icky….pick a stance.

OOP: I didn’t say he was icky, I said I feel icky like I’m hiding something. I just don’t like being touched, in both a nonsexual and sexual way.

Downvoted Commenter 2: Say something. Loudly, with all the subtext, just like you are here. They deserve to know who you are.

OOP: Are you really telling me you see no different between a man patting his team mate on the butt in the locker room after a game and a man who I only know through my friends, who he is dating, SMACKING my (a 24 year old woman) butt while I’m working out. I never said it was sexual. I said it made me uncomfortable bc I don’t know him well enough for him to be touching me in such a familiar manner.

Commenter 3: If we're in our mid-twenties, we're old enough to directly communicate with the people involved instead of posting on reddit when the person in question is literally within shouting distance.

Talk to him and your best friend together, say it made you uncomfortable, and go from there. It's possible he meant nothing by it. Coming from a sport and fitness family, butt pats are about as common as a handshake.

OOP: I asked because I don’t want to make a big deal out of it if it’s not, so I needed some advice.

Commenter 4: Tell your friend (or him) that it made you uncomfortable.

Intent vs Impact. Even if he didn’t mean anything by it, it still made you uncomfortable and that’s okay! Tell him it made you uncomfortable and not to do it anymore. It’s okay to place boundaries!

Update March 6, 2025 (next day)

thanks to everyone you responded yesterday. I honestly didn’t want to text my mom or anything bc I didn’t want to make a big deal out of nothing, but everyone seemed to be on a consensus that I should at least mention to him that it made me uncomfortable so it didn’t happen again.

i do just want to say for posterity, the “smack” was definitely more than a pat but less than a slap, if that makes sense. harder than if you were, to say, pat someone on the back, but he wasn’t leaving a hand print or anything like that.

last night I went outside to smoke a cig and he came out with me, and I tried to bring it up as casually as I could. I just said “Hey man, I know you probably didn’t mean anything by it but it’s been bothering me and I just want to clear the air. I didn’t particularly like when you patted (i said patted bc I didn’t want to insinuate anything) my butt yesterday while I was working out. I know you were probably just trying to be encouraging but it made me a little uncomfortable because I have personal space issues” (I don’t really but I have to spend another two days on this trip with him and I didn’t want to make him feel bad). He apologized profusely and said he didn’t think when he was doing it and was so sorry if he made me uncomfortable.

I guess this morning or late last night he ended up telling Sarah, and she also apologized to me this morning and seemed really mad, but I told her not to worry too much about it.

Whether or not he was actually being creepy remains to be seen, he did seem pretty genuine in his apology and I doubt he would voluntarily tell his gf if it was nefarious in nature.

That being said, no one should touch your body if you don’t want them to. Period. The end. I’m glad it wasn’t anything more than a stupid mistake but it could’ve been more. Glad I said something just to clear the air.

Top Comments

Commenter 1: Good on you, and good on him being apologetic and voluntarily telling his GF

Just a bad choice. Everyone handled it like adults.

Commenter 2: Perfectly appropriate reaction.

You established your boundaries, he apologized, girlfriend was made aware. Everyone will move on and learn from this and you haven’t had to sacrifice anyone’s friendship.

Honestly I think people can take this as a perfect example of how to deal with a situation like this. Well done.

Commenter 3: He seems to be apologetic and it sounds like you accept his apology. Definitely an awkward situation but kudos to you on how this was handled

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