I caught my fiance hooking up with my sister while I’m pregnant and tomorrow I’m exposing everything at our family gathering

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/the_mystic_rose

Originally posted to r/offmychest

I caught my fiance hooking up with my sister while I’m pregnant and tomorrow I’m exposing everything at our family gathering

Thanks to u/soayherder & u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU

Trigger Warnings: infidelity, emotional manipulation, verbal abuse

I found out I am pregnant and everything fell apart: January 6, 2025

I never expected life to look like this. Two years ago I was in a different mindset. I was focused on little things. Back then I felt so comfortable in the day to day routine that I overlooked how fragile my future really was.

He and I met about three years ago. At first I was not ready for anything too serious. I already had my daughter and was juggling everything alone. But little by little I let my guard down. He seemed so patient and steady, helping me with my little one without having any children of his own . I fell for him slowly, then all at once, trusting that I was finally building the loving family I dreamed of.

He encouraged me to stop using protection and birth control, which led to this pregnancy. For example, he would often say things like, "We should think about having a child someday," even saying he considers my daughter as his own and gradually we reduced our use of birth control methods. This pressure made me hopeful about expanding our family, but now I realize that he wasn't genuinely ready or honest about his intentions. His sudden withdrawal has left me feeling manipulated and unprepared for this situation.

That was before last month. That was before the positive pregnancy test. When I saw the result I felt a wave of panic and excitement. I wanted to believe he would stand by me, even be happy about the chance to add another piece to our family. But he did not seem happy. He grew silent. He told me he was not actually ready for another child. He was worried about money and our future. He said maybe we should think about "other options." Hearing that felt like a punch in the chest.

Now our entire routine is off balance. We barely talk. My daughter has noticed and keeps asking why he is suddenly so sad or quiet. I try to stay calm for her, but my mind is spinning. One moment I am crocheting while she colors, and I glance at him hoping for some sign of warmth, but nothing. He looks away or changes rooms, leaves the house without explaining. The next minute I feel tears spill out. I remember how alone I felt raising my daughter by myself until he came along. Am I back to that? Will I have to do it alone again, only this time with two children?

I love him but his distance hurts me more than I can express. The shock of it is unreal. He was the one who used to laugh with me. He used to place a gentle hand on my daughters shoulder when she learned new things for the first time and teaching her. That sweet playful version of him seems to have vanished overnight.

I am stuck not only fearing the practical details of a new baby but also grieving the deep sense of safety I once had with him. I keep replaying the moment he told me he did not want another child. I feel betrayed, embarrassed, lonely, and so sad. I do not know how to move forward. He rarely shares what is going on in his head. All I see is a giant wall between us, which might be permanent or might come down only if he decides he wants to let it.

I do not have grand answers, just confusion and an endless swirl of questions. My daughter is the light of my life, and I feel guilty for letting my sadness leak into her world. But how do I pretend everything is fine when it is not? How do I plan for a new child when the father is suddenly distant? It is like the ground beneath me is crumbling, and I do not have a safe place to stand.

It helps a little to write it all down. Maybe someone will understand. Maybe it will remind someone else they are not alone. Right now I am just hurting, missing a version of my life that I thought was guaranteed. If you made it here, thanks for reading. I hope that, one day, I can share a better update with you. Until then, I am just trying to get through the day without letting the heartbreak swallow me whole.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Respectfully, if he's told you with his words and actions how he feels. He knows what it's like when they're here from his relationship with your daughter. I wouldn't waste anymore time waiting for him to magically change his attitude.

OOP: I understand how it feels to look back and realize we never truly hashed out the details when it mattered, and now everything is up in the air. It hurts even more when the person you trusted decides to withdraw right at the moment you need them to speak and be honest. It is like Im walking on shaky ground without any clear sense of how to stand firm.

I have tried so many times to read his cues, thinking he was coming around since he made comments about maybe someday having another child. But suddenly, once I saw that test result, his whole demeanor changed. Now he is cold. He barely acknowledges what is happening, and it leaves me wondering why he cannot just speak plainly.

He never tells me, Yes I want this or No I do not. He leaves me guessing, waiting, and I feel like a fool for hoping. It is such a lonely place to be, stuck in this limbo where I cannot openly celebrate a baby or even properly mourn the loss of the relationship I thought we had.

Deep down, I still keep a spark of hope that he might finally step up and realize we are in this together. But I cannot count on that. The hardest part is knowing I may have to do this alone. That realization has been hitting me every time I see him slip into another room, every time he turns away from any talk about our future. It makes me feel so isolated, like Im just a problem he wishes would vanish.

OOP should consider about her fiance's priorities and needs. Did they have conversations about their future together on expanding the family?

OOP: Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts. We did have a conversation about having more children, but it didn't lead to any clear decisions. Over the past year, his actions and comments gave me hope that we might consider expanding our family. However, he doesn't have a child of his own and never verbally expressed his true feelings about having a child, so i don't expect him to understand, and now it starts to feel like her behavior towards my child was just good at first to gain my trust and then it just changed. His sudden change in behavior left me feeling confused and hurt, and it's clear now that he wasn't honest about his intentions.

Commenter 2: "over the past year, his actions and comments gave me hope that we might consider expanding our family," "never verbally expressed his true feelings about having a child," literally what did you talk about because this makes zero sense. dont have another kid unless you dont mind being a single mother.

OOP: His behavior initially made me believe he was supportive, but now I see that he was misleading me all along. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts. To clarify, he encouraged me to stop using birth control and he stopped using condoms, which led to this unexpected pregnancy. This pressure made me feel manipulated and unprepared for this situation. Over the past year, his actions and casual mentions gave me hope that he was considering a child with me. However, his sudden withdrawal and lack of honest communication revealed that he wasn't genuinely interested continuing our relationship in that capacity.

Accepting that he won't be there to support us has been incredibly painful, but I'm focusing on what's best for my daughter and myself. I'm determined to stay strong and navigate this situation one day at a time, even though it means potentially an abortion.

Original Post: January 13, 2025 (one week later)

I have reached the edge of what I can bear. I am 28, and have been with my fiance for just over three years. We live together with my four-year-old daughter from a previous relationship. Three weeks ago, I found out I am pregnant again. At first, I was overjoyed, naive enough to think we were finally creating the stable family I had always wanted. He grew distant the very next day. He ignored my excitement, started coming home late, and kept his phone glued to him at all times.

I began noticing strange calls and those discreet social media notifications that vanish too quickly. My gut told me to investigate. I almost wish I had not. He has been secretly hooking up with my older sister behind my back. She was the one I always tolerated even though she drags drama wherever she goes. She would hug me when relatives were around, pretend to be the supportive older sibling, then turn around and badmouth me to her friends. I never imagined she would crawl into my life this deeply. It felt like a slap in the face to read their messages calling me clueless for not noticing.

He told her about the pregnancy before he was honest with me about his doubts, and they joked about how stressed I would be raising another child. My sister bragged that our entire family thinks she is the more interesting and more popular sibling. Meanwhile, I am just the quiet one who apparently deserves this. I do not know if they are still meeting in secret or if they just get a kick out of hurting me. My fiancé denies everything whenever I confront him, says I am hormonal, that my imagination is running wild. My sister keeps messaging me, telling me I should keep my mouth shut and stop being dramatic.

I am done hiding my anger. My mother wants me to talk it out calmly, but how do I fix something so broken I can barely breathe My fiancé thinks I will just accept this. He is counting on me being too shy or too pregnant to do anything. Tomorrow, I plan to blow this up in front of the entire family. We are supposed to have a casual get-together at our parents house, ironically to celebrate my pregnancy announcement. I will gather my phone logs, the screenshots, and all those humiliating texts they sent each other. Once all the relatives have settled in, I will put everything on display. No more secrets.

I might burn everything in the process. I might lose any chance of a pleasant co-parenting scenario. But I feel like I have no other way to reclaim my dignity. I have been crying nonstop for days, my nerves are shot, and all I get from my fiancé is either silent treatment or insults. My sister taunts me and acts like I am worthless. I see no reason to protect them anymore.

I do not know what happens next. Maybe they will run off together. Maybe they will lie or twist things around to make me look insane. My fiancé has not contributed much financially, so I worry about affording my daughter and this potential new baby on my own. Yet I cannot pretend everything is normal. I have to protect whatever self-respect I have left. I am going to set my entire world on fire tomorrow. Part of me feels terrified, the other part is numb. Regardless, I am done letting them tiptoe around my heart. If they want my silence, they should have kept their betrayal better hidden. Let everyone see exactly who they are. That is all I have left.

Top Comments

Commenter 1: Good luck. With a sister like that you don’t need any enemies

Commenter 2: OMG please make a PowerPoint presentation or Google slides or whatever. You going to want everybody to get a real good view of all the information you've gathered!

Commenter 3: Do you have any audio of them saying these things to you? Because I would definitely use that too. And have your whole family listen to the entire thing, ideally without your sister or fiancé present, so they can’t twist it around on you like that. I’m so sorry that you are going through this, but your sister and (hopefully soon) ex-fiancé are AHs and deserve everything that is coming to them.

Update: January 15, 2025 (two days later)

I am still reeling from what happened. After writing my last post, I spent hours debating with myself about whether I should really go through with exposing them at our family gathering. A part of me was scared I would turn my whole life upside down forever. But I knew I couldn’t keep letting them walk all over me while pretending everything was fine. I called my mom beforehand to let her know I was breaking up with him and to prepare her.

When I arrived at my parents' house, everyone was already there, including my ex-fiancé and my sister. My mother tried to pull me aside, whispering that we should talk first. I stayed calm, walked straight into the living room where everyone was sitting, and asked them to listen. They looked confused. My sister immediately rolled her eyes, and my fiancé mumbled something, probably hoping I would stay silent.

I started reading the most shocking parts of the messages I found between the two of them. They mocked me, joked about me not noticing anything, and said I deserved this. I had timestamps proving he was sneaking around with my own sister while I was at home with my daughter. My sister stood up and accused me of lying, her voice defensive and low-pitched. But I just kept reading. The messages spoke for themselves.

I revealed how he told her about my pregnancy before even discussing it with me and how they laughed about me being stressed raising another child. My fiancé tried to dismiss me, claiming I was overreacting and misinterpreting the situation because of my "emotional, pregnant" state. He even blamed my mental health. By then, he stormed out of the room, and my sister started crying. My dad stared at the floor, silent, while my mother looked horrified. Finally, my sister snapped and stormed out, yelling that I was a dramatic liar who blew everything out of proportion.

Now the fallout begins. My fiancé, or rather, my ex-fiancé, has been texting me nonstop. One moment, he says he is sorry; the next, he blames me for humiliating him. He shows zero genuine remorse. He is just mad that I exposed him. My sister calls me horrendous names, says I ruined her image, and refuses to take responsibility. She insists I am making up drama.

Honestly, I do not even know if they are still seeing each other or blaming each other for being caught. Either way, their secret is out, and that is all I wanted. I am now talking to a lawyer because this man barely contributed financially before. I have to protect my daughter and ensure I never have a child with him. Only the thought of raising two kids alone is terrifying.

I feel numb and heartbroken at times, but I also feel a strange sense of relief. At least everyone knows the truth now. I exposed everything that day in the living room, but at least I am no longer being trampled on in silence. My sister and ex-fiancé can no longer laugh behind my back.

Yes, things will probably get messy. They might lie to other relatives, people we mutually know, or twist the story. But I am glad I refused to keep quiet. All I can do now is focus on the positive, talk to my lawyer, and move forward. It will be painful, but I will do everything in my power to build a new future on my own terms, far away from these people.

Top Comments

Commenter 1: Good for you. The new journey ahead will be less toxic and the betrayers will have to deal with themselves. Best of luck to you!💕

Commenter 2: I’m proud of you for going through with it. They hurt you. Intentionally. You owe them absolutely nothing. Anyone in your friend or family group who doesn’t see it can fuck all the way off. Such an ultimate betrayal. You deserve peace and love and respect and safety. You’ll find it. Keep going, OP!

Commenter 3: Are you still early enough/in a safe place to think about abortion? I only ask because you are already stressed at the idea of being a single mom of two, and that you'll be forever tied to the ex, who will more than likely take the kid around your sister/poison them against you.

Not that it's an easy decision, but it might be the best one to take for your mental health and ability to cut ties quickly.

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