I want to stay but everything in my gut is telling me to leave

I 24m have dated my 28f girlfriend for a 1 year and 3 months. I knew from the start she had BPD and was bipolar but I have the craziest amount of patience (I’ve been told by many people im the most patient person they’ve met) and got to know her and really started to fall for her. Over the time we’ve dated she’s shown every single symptom, and I’ve dealt with it pretty well. The sex is great, i have fallen in love with her, i have bettered myself financially and emotionally because of her. But my main problem is it feels like she doesn’t want to do anything to better herself no matter how many resources and options i give her.

It all started when she failed her 2nd year of vet school and she was banking on that milestone to make her the happiest, after this she had her first suicide attempt for her adult years and went to an inpatient center for 2 weeks. This made it even worse cause she felt like everyone was doing it to punish her and was lashing out. She’s one of the smartest people i know, is in school to be a therapist and only has 1 more year to go. But she will not go see a specialist for herself, or she wont find what works for her, she smokes a lot of weed and loves to party with friends, spends money like crazy and won’t let me help her manage money better or have access to her funds to see what she can and can’t spend. She has had 4 jobs within the last 8 months because she will just decide not to go and I’m stuck to pick up the slack.

We moved in 7 months in to the relationship with another friend and she had to get a new job the first 2 months after we moved. She constantly leaves messes or does obnoxious things and then will try to make the excuse of it being her disorder or just say “i wasn’t paying attention it just felt like i was out of my body and was on autopilot”. Anytime she’s baseline or grounded i try to talk to her about it and see what we can do to fix it and then it turns to her getting offended by me bringing those things up. I feel like everyday is repetitive and like i have to be on my A game 100% and it’s sometimes exhausting but if i ask for a day away from her, im the bad guy and i don’t love her.

I wanted advice or just to see other people’s stories when i started typing this but now i think i just needed to type it out and let it all out. Because im one of those people if i try to bring up receipts on how she acted i completely forget the reason she upset me or just can’t vocalize why i felt the way i did.

The reason i don’t want to leave is because i feel like i am her rock and she has no parents to turn to because they abused her when she was young and are the cause of all of this. Her income alone will make her have to get the most run down apartment in a bad neighborhood and i just feel like she is going to completely shut down and give up on life and i don’t want to have that on my conscious because i would never forgive myself.

Im not mad at her and don’t resent her because she warned me before we even started dating. But I had never met someone with BPD before her and thought she was over exaggerating how bad it was going to be. I don’t even know if I’m going to leave but i think the fact I’m writing this post i will one day leave

Stay strong my friends and use this as a lesson to never go back your much better off without them and your mental health will be much better without them.