getting triggered over the DUMBEST things

Tw: self harm

I literally don’t know how the dumbest and smallest things can just totally make me switch and decide “yeah I’m c*tting tn”.

so my best friend and I are planning our outfits for New Year’s Eve ahead of time. we’re sending each other sparkly dresses, etc. that we like. I sent her a full sequined white dress as a suggestion for myself and she was like “I’m not feeling white, it would look bridal.” she is married for context.

so why did that make me crash out? the first thing my bpd brain tells me is like “so it’s obvious no one romantically loves me and obviously never will. now I fully can’t wear a color bc I haven’t earned that?” I didn’t say that lol but I def wanted to and instead texted “I mean, is it really bridal if I’m single af” and have kinda not been responding bc I don’t want to when I’m triggered.

I feel like there are reminders all day every day that everyone else has their person and all I have is trauma. I know it’s also on me bc I shy away from any person showing me interest - it’s too scary to let my walls down at this point. so yeah 🫶🏻