Asexual and/or Avoidant?

Has anyone sorted through this particular mess before? My therapist and I are were discussing this and we’re kinda at a fork in the road. I’m fairly certain that I’m asexual on top of my avoidant behaviors and personality. They think I’m just avoidant and am tossing out the baby with the bath water. I’ve never wanted to be intimate with anyone. I find erotica interesting/amusing but on the same level that I find museums and cold beer interesting. I’ve sort of been in relationships before but the physicality was non existent and I felt so guilty about it that I stopped dating entirely. I’m sick of disappointing people, particularly women that have done absolutely nothing wrong.

I can say I’ve really only felt aroused by someone once and it was someone that I had this enormous mental complex built up around in my younger years. I didn’t actually like this poor individual, I just really wanted their life/to be them. I’ve since recognized my “lust”(at worst) or crush (at best) was actually just feelings of deep jealousy of someone of the opposite sex. Incredibly odd scenario that left my therapist a little speechless. I sort of enjoy being a less masculine, less macho presenting cis dude, so it’s not like an Egg scenario necessarily. It’s just the only experience I have that even barely resembles how my therapist described arousal and interest.

Ive experimented with men and women and NB folks and I’m not necessarily put off by homosexuality either but I don’t like 99.9% of men enough to ever date one. I don’t want to date or be physical with any particular orientation. But I also can’t really imagine turning down a guy that’s good at sex just because he’s a guy. Which would make me bisexual to some degree I suppose. The thing is that I can’t imagine sex and relationships being fun for ME. I love it as a topic and learning about sexual psychology. I apparently don’t like it, after all.

I don’t actually know any asexuals in real life and my therapist was immensely skeptical. So, I’d welcome any input.