it really, really hurts having to drop friendships because I can't maintain them

long story short, my social life for the past 7 years has been nothing more but a few failed attempts at friendships. I always end up having to disappear on them because I simply do not have the capacity and energy to invest in another person.

I just had an old no-longer-friend reach out, pretty much out of nowhere, telling me I broke their trust by doing this, telling me "if I can't even trust you, then who will I ever be able to trust," telling me I did the exact same thing another person has done to them before-- I could argue for myself that my situation is quite different, I'm not just "ghosting" them, or any of my no-longer-friends. it's simply that I cannot do it. I don't have the energy. it's exhausting. it's confusing. it demands too much that I can't give. but I understand the way that it comes across to other people.

and it really hurts. I don't want to hurt anyone. I never intend to. I stopped trying to invest in people because I cannot seem to get out of this pattern of trying to build a bond (which is extremely difficult as is) and then having to drop them because it inevitably drains me. not sure where I'm going with this. it just makes me sad.