I just want to be taken care of

I feel so embarrassed saying this, but I really just want to find a man who will take care of me financially. I know there’s stigma around women wanting financial security in relationships, but honestly, I’m just tired.

I just finished my PhD in bioinformatics in December. It was really fucking hard, and I don’t think I even enjoyed what I did... I just liked the freedom of making my own schedule. But every time I actually had to sit down and work, I was miserable. And I’ve been that way since I was a kid.

Even if I did enjoy my work, the only job I could get was a 1-year postdoc, which may be cut short anyway due to the recent federal cuts in scientific funding. I like the people I work with, but I can’t force myself to care about the work itself. I make shit money and live in one of the most expensive cities in the U.S. I literally don’t even qualify for low-income housing on my salary. I have to live with my family, which is about 30% great and 70% bad.

I feel like I did everything I was supposed to do. I became a strong woman in STEM. I fought my way up the educational ladder, and I was supposed to build a great life for myself. But that isn’t happening. Instead, I feel like I’m running in circles, getting nowhere.

On top of all this, I’ve been in relationships for the past 10 years where I gave too much and got tossed around physically, emotionally, and mentally. Every time, I stayed too long. And I’m just exhausted.

So… I kind of just want someone kind to take care of me. Not in a sugar baby way, but in a stable, loving partnership where I don’t have to keep grinding just to survive. I don’t want to be a trophy wife, and I don’t want to do nothing...I’d be happy to take care of a home, cook, or even raise kids. But I don’t want to be constantly stressed about money, and I don’t want my whole life to revolve around work I don’t enjoy.

I don’t know if anyone else has felt this way, but I’d love to hear from women who have been in a similar position. Is it okay to want this? Have any of you successfully built this kind of life, or am I being unrealistic?