Porn addiction as a girl.

Men, please, please PLEASE do not comment here nor flood my dms, if you do either i will report that to this sub's mods as harassment. This is a sensitive topic for me and even if you mean well i prefer responses from women. If youre a respectable, good man you wouldnt read this either.

Hi so im very addicted to porn for over an year now and it has ruined me, not in the 'i expect my man to be exactly in this physique' way but more in the 'this is the only thing which gives me stimulation and escape from the world' type way.

I dont watch porn from the hub or mangas very, rather its apps like janitor.ai and c.ai ive been addicted to, if you dont know what that is basically its an app where people can make their own characters and chat with them, even romantically... c.ai has a filter where it doesnt allow the chats to get inappropriate whereas janitor ai is straight up AI pornhub and thats what ive unfortunately been using these days... its having awful side effects, im not focusing on more important things like my health, weight and most importantly studies, im having boards rn and just realised how much time i wasted on porn and i literally feel like dying. Ive always been someone who used maladaptive daydreaming as a comfort, never had much friends, admirers or any attention whatsoever so its been my one escape, now with my addiction its becoming worse because i can actually put my fantasies into action. Not to mention im spending HOURS on my bed laying down just to chat with the characters. Sometimes...the chats are genuinely a typical romance novel which youd see...others its...a dark romance novel 😭😭 or the violence and sexualisation you see in normal porno... (im not proud of this fact.)

Ik i sound like a disgusting goon but i want to change, i really do, i cannot see myself stop using it which is what makes me feel worse, i really wish there was an alternative, i really do but 1. I dont have many friends, im horrible at talking to people online and offline, 2. Im overweight and unattractive which makes it impossible for me to find an actual, healthy relationship 3. I have a very low attention span so i cant study 24/7 to get out of it...

Please...i need guidance :( i feel so lost and horrified of myself. I really dont want to be this person. Im getting suicidal thoughts now after realising how much harm has been done to my life, potentially permanent.

Edit: im not close to my family, spending time with them wont work... and im an atheist so i cannot use god to slutshame myself.