PSA: My non-Asian friends and in-laws never understand why I even feel guilty about going NC with my parents.

I went NC with my AM in my mid 30s after AF died. I’m feeling a tremendous amount of guilt but since my partner and most of my friends and in-laws aren’t Asian, they can’t understand why I would feel guilty at all. Even my therapist couldn’t understand it.

If they had a toxic family like mine, they would’ve dropped them soooo fast. None of this is acceptable in any other culture except Asian:

  • Forced me to give up my dream and go into a career I hated. The burnout almost ruined my life and set me back decades.
  • Refused to stand up for me for decades when my AGM physically, emotionally and even sexually harassed me. Denied that it happened even though they witnessed it. And always took AGM’s side against mine in public.
  • Denied me diagnosis and treatment though the teachers recommended it. My ADHD turned into anxiety/depression disorders which turned into bulimia. Until I became suicidal.
  • Trivialise my struggles and tried to convince me from seeking help. Saying they are ashamed of my mental health problems.
  • Was given credit for every academic and professional achievement I’ve made and never once publicly gave me credit for taking control of my life and battled my mental illnesses.
  • Being bigoted in almost every conceivable way (racist, homophobic, transphobic and sexist). I am gay and just never bothered to tell whom I date.
  • Shamed and punished me for being bullied, even though their below-average finances and frequent moving was the reason.
  • Shamed me for “not being married or have children, saying I failed in life despite doing everything else they expected of me.
  • Still shames me to this date for seeking therapy, even though it saved my life.

I know none of these are specific to APs. But adults in almost any non-Asian culture would have recognized that none of what happened to me was okay. Instead, Asian adults just accept this as normal parenting and expects me to be thankful just for having been born and raised.

Here’s a PSA: you don’t owe your APs shit just for giving birth and raising you. And they claiming they love you and sacrificed for you doesn’t make it so. Judge them by their actions. Do not hesitate to cut them out of your life if that’s what it takes for you to be happy.

I’m still learning this but I hope you do a better job than me. Love you.