Happy Valentines Day BPs

I’ve been starting to look at Valentine’s Day as an opportunity. An opportunity for there to be one day where things hurt a little less and where my WW husband steps up in the effort and gift department. We never really celebrated Valentine’s Day. We never bought into just another day to celebrate and shower your partner with hallmark gifts. But maybe that can change. Maybe this can be the one day during this hard time where things are a little easier, we love each other a bit more and we acknowledge and show each other the appreciation. Just maybe that’s what Valentine’s Day can be?

Valentine’s Day will be two months from DD#2, very early on still in this stage of recovery but I love my husband. I had always told myself and others “if I could rip up our marriage certificate and it meant we weren’t married anymore, I’d do it”. During IC I was challenged with that, my therapist looked at me and said “would you? If I handed you that paper, you rip it and means all of this is done. All of this is gone and you get to walk away from everything. Would you do it” My answer was not as strong and firm as I would have thought. My answer was not “yes”. I want to stay, I want my husband to do the work and make the changes, I want a successful marriage with this man. I want to celebrate Valentine’s Day with the person I chose to spend forever with.

I want to be celebrated and appreciated on Valentine’s Day, even if it’s just a stupid day that involved spending money. For the first time, I don’t think I deserve any less. None of us do. So, Happy Valentine’s Day to all of you, if this day is anything less than happy please be kind to yourself. Treat yourself and love yourself. You are not alone during any of this and I sure as hell know, I wouldn’t be here without all of you.