I saw it

My husband and I have been working through R for the past month and a half.. last night I asked to see his phone, and we typically go through it together. Somewhere along the lines we ended up in his photos and were laughing and reminiscing of all the goofy, fun and loving things we had done and gone through, together.. until I came across one video. A video of him and his AP, giving him oral.(last year) It was like DD all over again.

Obviously I was aware of these things and that they had in fact taken videos, it was one of the million questions I asked at the time.. he panicked and apologized thinking he had honestly deleted everything, which I know is true.. it just doesn’t hurt any less. I felt like I was making progress, sometimes I was even able to see our future without all this pain.. but now I feel like I’m back to square one. I hate feeling like this. I really wish I could disappear.