Help. WP keeps being in a state of victimhood and it’s killing R for me. I need advice please

28 F. Almost two years in R. I stayed because I saw a change. He has been consistent with superficial actions. No female friends, location sharing, being attentive, paying for MC…

I’ve felt really pressured to stay and I have been struggling with guilt and I’m now finally realizing why.

He has always been manipulative and now he asked for space to address his communication, empathy, etc. I believe him but…with the space I’ve realized that I’m sick of being made to feel guilty for my feelings, hearing about how “it’s also hard for him”, him comparing his pain to mine.

Using all the excuses in the book about how “he works a lot”, “money problems”, etc etc.

The MC only managing our communication and recommending books to me to manage my reactions to the triggers but never assigning a book to him about infidelity or how to support me. Not even one.

And hearing him constantly wanting validation about “how hard it is for him”, “how much effort he has made” (paying for MC). About his childhood trauma etc etc (I have trauma too but I have not gone around traumatizing people)

Meanwhile, my emotional efforts are not even ackwnowledged.

I’m 28 F he is 31 Mand its so unnatractive hearing him wanting validation from ME about the consecuences of his actions. I loved him, I wanted to marry him. He thinks paying for things, locations, no female friends and MC are enough. And rubbing it all in my face like he is doing me a favor.

I’m getting tired, I feel I carry all the emotional weight and I’m beginning to feel like his mother and alone in the relationship. He doesn’t get that all he has to do is stop deflecting and validate my pain. I forgave many unforgivable things, but the lack of effort and broken promises might be the end of us. Victimhood, selfishness and lack of empathy is draining, on top of everything else.

I’m just now, after 2 years, realizing I need way more. I’ve heard you need to be willing to end R for it to become better. I feel like I’ve done enough and that its his turn to share the emotional weight.

Are all of WW’s like this? Did you BPs willing to leave changed the situation? What boundaries can I set with a WW with a victim mentality? Please help