No romantic feeling from my side and too much from his side
A very long post, pls bear with me.
So, we (fiancé 33M and I 32F) met once and we both said yes to our families (similar family background and values and he seemed like a nice guy). Then, we met with families and marriage was fixed (engagement to be in June and to be married in September). Phone numbers were exchanged and we started texting. (Unfortunately, this is how it works in my community. There is no courting period).
It's been over a month now since then.
He said 'I love you' the 2nd day after we started texting (with hearts and kissing emojis). I felt really uncomfortable and asked for time and said that I wanted us to be good friends first. I understood that we are getting married, but wanted atleast the getting to know part and the romance side to be organic. He agreed that we ll take it slow, but a week was what he had in mind when he said slow. I again asked for time, and he would be patient for 2-3 days. When he does this, I get pulled 2 steps backward after moving one step forward. Now I have stopped doing this. I siad if he wants to express these feelings, sure but requested not to ask me to reciprocate. I 'll do it in my own time, when I feel so.
While giving each other a basic intro, I said that I am an introvert, which he did not understand the meaning of. I explained to him that I ll need some charging time, but I do not think he understood. His reply was 'he will make it all right after he comes' (he loves talking). Once in few days, he keeps asking me, 'are you always like an award film?'. We will be talking continuous, I will be my normal self, but he asks this because I am unable to reciprocate to his corny romantic dialogues (I kinda cringe when I listen to those and dont think i can ever reciprocate in the same way). Deep talks and witty banter is my love language, if and when it happens.
Our interests and hobbies are very different, which we shared during our first talk, but I thought with an open mind it should not be an issue if we engage in common activities that we both enjoy. He said before that his hobby was cycling, when I ask him if he is not interested in it anymore, he says he wants to go cycling with his wife only and does not want to do it alone and whenever I ask him what he is doing during free time or what he likes to do currently, he says stuffs like 'thinking of you', 'dreaming of you', 'waiting for your msgs', etc. So basically, it sounded like, at the moment he has no activities or hobbies. On the other hand, I enjoy spending my time reading, gardening, small art projects etc. So this is kinda making it difficult for me to connect with him because there is not much that we can discuss about. When I speak about these, he gives monotonous replies like ok, hmm, fine etc.
I usually enjoy deep talks about books, movies, animal,... anything really (with my friends and my family), but all he is interested in is trying to make me reciprocate with his kinda romance. Whenever I ask a question about him or share something about myself which I want him to know about, he again just says 'hmm, ok, fine' etc. And the just brings back the topic to romancing. He has said numerous times that he has been living in a dream world and that he has been fantasizing that it would be like the romance movies that he watches.
Giving me time limit to reciprocate. Every other day he keeps asking, if I have anything special to say to him/ when will i say I love him, its been one month/ that he ll wait till engagement (I dont know what he intends on doing after that). Last day, he said that he has never received a lover's feeling in his 30 years, so atleast for 3 months before marriage he must get to experience that. I understand that he is a hardcore romantic, but giving untimatums like this will not work and I have clearly stated so to him. Whenever I ask him to pls stop pressuring me, he apologises and promises that he will never do that again. But its back to square one next day. And then some days he asks if I dont feel sympathy for him. I dont know if he expects me to say I love you just because I feel sympathy towards him. And then there are frequent dialogues like its his bad fate from his side, it sounds like guilt tripping.
He keeps on mentioning about cost of things he buys. Like he bought a scooty and a car during this one month of us knowing each other and he sent the invoices of it to my mother and me. I dont understand if he is just innocent and just doing this without any second thought or if its something else. I really dont like when people tries to impress others by showing off money. Then he asked about the cost of my engagement dress which my mother is supposed to buy for me, I said I wont tell and he asked again the next day and the next (why does price matter?). I felt very awkward when he does all these things (especially when he sent it to my mother, showing the invoice of the car purchased by his parents for him). Maybe I am overthinking, but considering how our society is with dowry and stuff, it is kinda sending me negative vibes. Maybe he is just curious but i just cannot get that slimer of doubt out from my mind.
he says that he is not very mature and he feels glad that I am very mature because it will balance us out. Also, he mentioned a few times how his mother always says that she is waiting for me to go and set him straight. It may not be much and maybe she was joking, but it did triggered me to have a mini freak out session lol.
I think I just wanted to rant to someone outside my circle. But if you have any suggestions on how to make this work, pls feel free to comment. (Someone here suggested a few activities before and I am waiting to try them out soon)
Thank you for reading this.