I feel like I’m evil and worthless.

This is a shortened and edited of another post in a different subreddit because I can’t post about politics here. If you want details, look for yourself.

I’ve said this a million times on different subreddits. I’m not officially diagnosed with anything, I’ve never been tested. But I’m very anxious and I think I have some form of OCD. Basically my biggest issues of a compulsive obsession with others opinions and an obsession with the idea of being a good person. After some brief research, I think I can identify with moral scrupulosity and Fear of Negative Evaluation. My most basic example I like to use is that if a music critic or a literal nobody on social media says harsh enough words about a band I like, it will take me literal weeks to months to muster up the courage to listen to them again. So as you can assume, it’s a million times worth when politics are involved. There have been days when I don’t leave my room for a full day, not to eat or see my family, because I am doomscrolling on Reddit or TikTok for literally 12 hours straight. Recently I’ve been doomscrolling on foreign subreddits seeing just how angry they are. I now feel like a terrible person responsible for horrors. I am now an invaluable person. All my hopes and dreams and emotions do not matter. History will judge me as harshly as the judges the Germans, and I deserve it. Right now I don’t feel like I deserve to exist. I just need someone to tell me I’m overreacting or that I can redeem myself, or just anything to justify my continued existence. Because soon enough I might do something about my existing if I don’t see worth in it.