unconsciously set goals
I’ve relapsed for a little over a year now and I tried not to put a goal weight at the beginning bc I knew it would spiral out of control.
But I think I’ve been unknowingly aiming for two goals that are not really healthy:
Fit into Brandy Melville. (Was always jealous of my friend, who also had an ed at the time, buying all the cute clothes at Brandy, while I didn’t even dare try their one size)
Weigh less than my bf. (My partner is a professional athlete and his weight is public)
But the thing is I don’t even like the style of Brandy Melville, I’ve outgrown the target demographic, but it still feels like my ed will be validated once I’ll fit perfectly into it. I’m pretty sure I can fit in nicely now, but I feel like losing a bit more is gonna make the clothes look better.
And my partner being an athlete that trains twice everyday and has to do the crazy last minute diet to shed water weight before his competitions unknowingly triggers my ed.
But, as we all know, I don’t think reaching those goals is gonna make my ed disappear and make me satisfied with my body.