AIO for being upset and crying after finding out my husband microwaved my breastmilk

I went back to work this week after maternity leave, and my husband was in charge of watching our 3-month-old over the weekend. Leaving her has been incredibly emotional for me—I’ve never been away from her for more than a couple of hours, and going back to work has been stressful and tearful.

I’ve spent the last three months building a stash of frozen breastmilk that I’m immensely proud of. It’s taken an insane amount of effort—collecting milk, eating well, staying hydrated, dealing with the physical toll—all to make sure she has what she needs. Before going back to work, I showed my husband exactly how to thaw the milk properly in warm water. We even practiced it together. I made it very clear that microwaving breastmilk was not an option, as the CDC warns against it due to hot spots and potential nutrient loss. He agreed not to microwave it.

Tonight, we were giving our daughter the last of my freshly pumped milk when I saw my husband take the bottle out of the microwave. I asked if he’d been doing that all weekend. He said yes. I immediately started crying.

“You can NEVER microwave breastmilk. I told you this.”

I felt so completely disrespected. All the time, effort, and physical sacrifice I put into that milk—he had literally done the one thing I asked him not to do. Instead of acknowledging it, he got defensive. “Why do you always have these crazy fucking reactions?”

Him calling me crazy sent me over the edge. He put the baby down, and I cooled off. When he came back, his justifications were: • “Google said it was fine.” • “I only did it for a few seconds and mixed it to make sure there were no hotspots.” • “I read a study that said it doesn’t lose nutrients unless overheated and I used a thermometer to make sure I didn’t overheat it.”

I told him none of that matters. I explicitly asked him not to microwave it, and he did it anyway. His arrogance that he thinks he knows better than the CDC and literally every source is pissing me off, that he went against my wishes, disregarded my effort, and then doubled down when I was already emotionally drained.

He doesn’t understand why I’m upset, but I feel completely disrespected and empty after that. Am I overreacting?