AIO for feeling violated by my boyfriend
My bf (21) and I (18) were being sexual, we had just smoked together prior and I felt a little out of it. I'm still a virgin and we have tried before but usually stop because of pain, as he was touching me i felt something enter me and it felt kind of weird i asked and he said it was his finger, it hurt a little but i didn't really ask him to stop or anything, he then told me to lay on my back and started pushing his finger in me but deep and pushing deeper it started really hurting so I said stop and he didn't so i repeated myself and he still didn't i said i really don't like it please stop and he was still pushing, i was about to cry and said stop and he finally did pulling his fingers out slowly and asking if it hurt a lot and say he was trying to help me by "stretching me" i just started crying not really from the pain but the fact he didn't listen, he said sorry and at first was cuddling with me which I didn't really want to after what just happened, then he kept apologizing saying he knew he should've stop and that was wrong of him but i had gone nonverbal and was mostly just crying so he said he would give me space and has been upstairs since. I don't know if I overreacted I know he wouldn't try to hurt me maliciously and I do freak out when it comes to penetration but this isn't the first time something's happened where it feels like I was being violated and me crying and going nonverbal wasn't an active choice.
Edit: Thank you all for the feedback to be honest I've been reading a lot of replies repeatedly because I don't really know how to feel or even do right now. Me and him talked about how I felt and he apologized again. I guess some things I didn't clarify that maybe I should so 1. Someone mentioned that I didn't specify my gender I am cis female.
Someone asked how long we've been together so 3 years online we just met in person he's been staying with me since Dec.
Also this is my first relationship and he's only the person I've ever done anything sexual with.
The other experience that was negative isn't exactly the same but I was high on edibles and I was trying to show him a show my memories is kind of patchy (because of the edibles) he at some point asked me to give him head and started pushing my head by itself and shoving my head down very deep until I couldn't breathe repeatedly I was non-verbal (again due to the edibles) and honestly felt confused the whole time. I didn't tell him until the next day that I didn't like that and it felt wrong.