AIO: Boyfriend subscribed to ex’s onlyfans for 2 months

Asking because my boyfriend says I am being a baby, controlling, and overreacting by not giving him a chance to earn my trust.

For background, we have been together for about a year and a half, and this specific ex has been his “friend” for 10+ years, dated on and off here and there, but when they were just friends would still have sleepovers and kiss and have sex. Every other ex of his has also had issue with this one in particular (or so he says).

About 8 months ago, I (26 F) found messages between my boyfriend (33 M) and an ex (26 F) flirting pretty hard. My boyfriend was the one that was initiating, but she wasn’t saying anything about it either. He was talking about how she has perfect hair, a perfect body, how attractive she is, ect. My boyfriend admitted to me that they had always been “more” than friends, and that he cut her off out of respect for me.

Fast forward to last week, I find out he is subscribed to her onlyfans since January. This is breaching a hard boundary that I set at the beginning of our relationship. He told me that he only did it because he wanted to talk to her again, and will delete OF and only talk to her on messenger, but he is GOING to talk to her again and I had no say. My reaction to this was relatively mild. I cried and packed his belongings in a pile. I have had 2 talks with him since, the first one went really well and we agreed to go to couples therapy, and he apologized and said he could be doing better. The second talk I brought up that I wasn’t coping very well and that I don’t feel comfortable with him being “friends” with her again, and wanted to communicate that. I explained that this isn’t the first, second, or even third time we’ve had this issue. He immediately got mad at me and called me controlling, a baby, needy, ect. He said I’m not ready for relationships, and that he doesn’t care about me as much as he cares about her. This is actually the second time that he has conveyed that.

This is the point that I told him I will be detaching myself because I don’t feel quite ready to let go yet, but I told him that I plan on leaving. He rescinded what he said and told me that he doesn’t want to “manipulate” my descision, but that he does love me, care about me, and want to be with me.

Since then, he’s been reassurance seeking that I still love him and I’m still staying. He’s been eating non stop and complaining about how it’s been a really hard week and he’s really stressed out, but im finding it really hard to give any sympathy to him. On the other hand, he’s also been putting in a lot of effort to give me affection, sex, attention, and asking to spend time together which was heavy at the beginning of our relationship, but dwindled pretty quickly.

This isn’t all of the context, but this is not the first ex this has happened with either. He was asking another ex to have sex with him while we were in a relationship but it never happened and I found out about it through her.

If it’s no big deal and I really AM just being controlling, I want to know. If this is just something that most people are able to get over and be happy together through, I want to know. If I am being a giant self conscious baby, I want to know. I just need neutral opinions who don’t favor myself OR my partner.