December triggers suicide thoughts

I am a homeless 31 year old female who sleeps on a state shelter. This month, since it started, has been like somebody slowly choking me with its bare hands.

I lost my father in April of this year after only 5 months of fighting a horribly aggressive cancer. I lost my only daughter on May of 2018 and man, December sucks. I really look like a dumbass crying on public places because I got nowhere to hide.

What do you do when you see no future? No reason for existing? I hate Holiday Season.

I haven't talked to anyone about it IRL because they would send me back to the psych ward.

December triggers my suicide thoughts. Please help me see the light.

EDIT: Never in a million years I thought this post would get so big. I love Reddit so much. You are my family. Thank you for your support. If I am late responding messages is that I had no mobile data connection but I have now. I love you all.