I don’t want to be gay

I’m 21, M, probably for about 5 years have known I’ve been attracted to men. I’ve considered myself bisexual for the past couple of years as I still find women attractive and beautiful, I just struggle to be turned on by them, meanwhile I find it easy to be turned on by men. I just cannot see myself being with a man, and I’ve always pictured myself having a wife and kids of my own, and that’s what I want. If I’m already hard, I have no probably finishing to a women, but it can take a bit sometimes, meanwhile if I am watching gay porn it is easier. I mean, I couldn’t even tell you what a top is compared to a bottom. It’s not even that I’m homophobic, I just don’t understand why I don’t get to choose. I get very mad and hate myself because this is the way I am, and I’m angry that I don’t really get to decide. I’ve never been in a relationship with either, and part of me is hoping that once I meet a women it’ll all work out, but I’m also afraid that it’ll be embarrassing when it’s time to get in the bed. Just curious if anyone has been in a similar situation or just any thoughts? Thanks!