My casual fling got me pregnant, had a miscarriage then abandoned me.. I don’t know what to do..

I have a situationship or a fuck buddy (not sure anymore) for 4 months. I developed feelings for him but acted like it was all just casual. Just a month ago, I found out I was pregnant and I told him about it. He didn’t want it but said whatever my decision was, he will be supportive. He’s still in school finishing up his PhD and I felt like I ruined his life so I thought of aborting the baby even though it was against my beliefs. He was there during the process.. the ultrasound, bloodwork and everything. He started being so involved and told me he wants me and he doesn’t want anyone else. I wasn’t ready to abort the baby but the same time, I wasn’t ready to be a mom. I wanted to keep it tho but I was thinking of aborting it because of him. I was doing it for him.. But then after a week, I miscarried. I told him and he comforted me over the phone. I went through all of it alone tho. I went to emerg because I was bleeding a lot and had crampings and fever.. turned out I already had an infection. He never asked how I was. I went through everything alone. I was grieving about the loss (even though I wasn’t ready), then I had a miscarriage. It was too much for me and I was in so much pain. He wasn’t there for me. He left me in the dark dealing with everything. It was very traumatic for me.

After few weeks, I’m still grieving and blaming myself for everything. I tried reaching out to him but he takes hours or even days to reply. I told him I miss him but after that, he didn’t respond anymore. I felt so abandoned and I couldn’t get myself to hate him. Why??? I don’t know…

I felt so depressed and I didn’t wanna message him or annoy him because I know he wouldn’t care.

I just felt so sad and pathetic. He was there when he was still apart of it (maybe to save himself?), and when he already did save himself, he just left me in the dark… he said we will be there for me after all of it but he chose to distance himself instead.

I’ve been doing everything to get back on my feet, but it’s so hard.. I don’t know what I need from him. Maybe I’m still waiting for him. I’m grieving multiple losses—my pregnancy, my sense of trust, the relationship I hoped for, and the way he pulled away when I needed him most. And I lost myself in the process too. I don’t know what to do :( should I reach out again to him like talk to him in person for closure? Idk how to move forward :(