How to "get past" HR in an interview

Hi guys,

last year I applied to become trained as a Physical Therapist at the ripe age of my low 40s. I aced the "IQ" and the practical test, but got filtered out by the, oh god I hate them so much, HR ladies.

Without a doubt and bragging, my intellectual as well as practical abilities are above average, more closely to genius levels. If this triggers you, please go on. Oh, and I am in remarkable physical shape for my age too.

The thing is, I never was able to hold a job for long, because of various bad influences from home and lingering addiction to digital content for 35+ years. This goes so far, that I "fled" into unemployment for the last, god idk, five years? This is all solved now, I also have the financial means, (me was not too bad at investing at the same time...) but the dark spot in my CV makes me feel I will never get into this field of work where I finally can develop my full potential.

I am really, deep from my heart, a good person that enjoys nothing more than seeing people develop, grow and thrieve. This goes so far, that I understand what really is plaguing mankind into all the hot and cold everyday horrors. Ironically, this is also my downfall, because people are allergic to nothing more than the truth, so mostly I keep my mouth shut and follow the path of wellbeing I discovered.

So what I am asking for is someone who can help me to reframe my story and make some good for all the shit I experienced in the past. What I want is some kind of training to prepare me for the group as well as the personal assessment and... fucking ace it!

Here's the twist: If YOU are able to provide me with a course, training, however you call it, to get into one of six possible institutions in my home country, I am offering a reward of 1.000-2.000 Euros, depending on what we arrange and what you see fit. If you are afraid I won't pay we surely can work out an escrow like thing, but trust me, if I get in you get what we settled on - I like to pay bills for stuff that really works and helps me.

PMs open, if you hate this GTFO

Edit:
Oh, deadlines: Signup for evaluation ends on the 15th and 30th of March, IQ-Tests are in April as well as pracitcal tests until May. Personal Examination and Group Interviews are conducted in June.

I want:
*my CV overworked (including an A++ picture)
*a Letter of Motivation
*Counseling/Coaching for the interviews, general behaviour in HR settings.
*you to be cool, witty and sharp

You don't need to run an enterprise in this field, if you qualify, also self-trained, and we click, let's work together.