My Ex-Husband Won’t Accept Our Divorce and Keeps Crossing Boundaries

Hi, this is my first time posting here. I do come across reddit stories on ytube and insta and decided to ask advice on mine . I’m not sure if I’m doing this right, so apologies it's long .

My ex husband (33M) and I (28F) divorced in Nov2023 after 8 years of marriage. He’s an officer, and I work as a fashion event coordinator. There was no cheating or physical abuse, but we constantly argued. We were both busy with work and barely spent time together. When we did have free time, I wanted to go on dates, but he was always on his phone and uninterested. He never came with me to my familys events or gatherings but always went to his own, pressuring me to join him. The only time he seemed truly invested in our marriage was during sex outside of that, he was distant, which makes me upset and angry.

When I first asked for a divorce, he didn’t take it well. We argued a lot because he wanted to try again, but I knew our marriage was over. After a while , he accepted it, and we finalized everything.

We share custody of our 7yr twins (a boy and a girl). Even before the divorce, they were mostly cared for by a full time nanny because they’re energetic, loud, and playful, while both of us worked long hours. Their dad, my ex often got frustrated with them when he was home. After the divorce, I moved back into my own house. At first , co-parenting was smooth , I had the same nanny continue working at my house during the week to take care of the twins. , and on weekends, they went to his place, where his parents looked after them.

But after four months, he started crossing the lines . He began constantly texting me, asking where I was, what I was doing, and who I was with. If I didn’t respond fast enough, he would calls nonstop and send angry messages. He even started driving past my house randomly and showing up uninvited in my house , acting as if nothing had changed .

The worst part is that he keeps trying to have sex with me. When I refuse, he gets angry, calls me names, and accuses me of enjoying sleeping around which isn’t true.He even tells me not to date anyone as if he still has a say in my life . No matter how many times I tell him we are over N I'm his ex and not wife he doesn't listen .

Things got worse on our twins 7th birthday (Oct 19). I brought someone I was seeing , and my ex completely lost control. He got into a fight with the guy, ruined the cake, broke things, and caused a huge scene in front of family, friends. The kids were crying. It took several people to stop him . The guy did filed a report, but nothing happened , most likely because my ex is an officer, and we all know how that works.

I’ve told him to respect my boundaries, move on, and find another women , but he refuses. He keeps calling, insisting we should get back together, go to couple therapy, and have another baby . He even told me to quit my job and become a SAHM . Last month on (Jan 16) he came to my house ,he went as far as threatening to leak our old sex videos and my nude photos which is still saved in his phone , dumbass didn't even delete them. While I don’t think he would actually do it . At this point, it doesn’t even feel like we’re divorced ,it’s as if we just live in separate houses.

I can’t completely cut him off because we share custody and need to communicate about the kids. The twins love their dad, and I don't want to interfere in their relationship. Divorce means moving on, but he refuses to accept that. I just want to co parent peacefully, but he is making it impossible , it's like my words don't go through his thick brain . He’s driving me insane, and his behavior is getting worse every day.

I’ve considered getting a restraining order, but I doubt it would help. He’s an officer, and his dad , my ex FIL was also in the force in a high n respectable positions before retiring ,which only complicates things further. I’m truly at a loss. My parents and friends think I should give him another chance since he never beat me or the kids, but I don’t believe he has changed . These people don't even know anything but just keep running their mouth like they know everything.

EDIT : I can't reply to everyone, but I appreciate the advice. I'll report him for his threats and file for a restraining order. I was just scared nothing would happen, especially given his connections and how nothing came of the birthday party incident, even after it was reported and just got covered up .

Also, please stop DMing me I’m not looking for anyone, so stop sending inappropriate messages.

And for those asking where I’m from, I'm from the U.S., but I won’t be naming the state.