My friend's mother just died and I don't know what to do.
She's my only friend in college. I didn't sleep last night because I was working on assignments, and by the time I fell asleep it was 6 am. Around an hour later I got a call from her and she said "hey, could you return some books to the library on my behalf? My mother died so I'm going home." She sounded so calm and I was really sleepy so I thought I heard her wrong-- but she repeated herself and yes, her mother's indeed dead. She tends to dissociate a lot so I'm assuming that's why she was so calm while telling me, and also while she packed her suitcase. It took me a lot of effort to not burst into tears in front of her.
She had a really complicated / strained relationship with her mother. Throughout her childhood her mother caused her severe trauma. So I can't imagine how much more complicated and confusing her grief is because of that.
At this point I don't know what to do. She's gone home for the funeral and stuff, and I called her to check in. But I keep falling short of words and really, I don't think there's anything I can say that'd help. I feel like every word, every action I make right now is meaningless and shallow.
I just can't stop thinking about it. I didn't get any work done today. I'm afraid to turn off the light and sleep. I miss my home and parents. I feel horrible that she's facing this at this age-- she's too young. She already had a lot on her plate. I want to hug her so bad but when I asked if she needs a hug, she said no. So I won't, unless she asks. But this just feels so so so bad.
There's so much on my mind right now and I don't know how to help her or how to feel normal again. Things don't feel real. I never even met her mother, so I don't know why I'm feeling this way. I just feel bad for my friend and all the emotional turmoil she's in right now-- no matter how complicated their relationship was, she's obviously still hit pretty hard by it.
How do I be there for my friend and make myself useful?