Constructive Criticism from a women

Hello everyone! I wanted to start by saying this is coming from a good place, i think these, are we dating the same men groups, are incredibly harmful, for the reasons mentioned by everyone here, but also from the perspective of helping women date online safely.

I understand, and agree, the frustration of privacy concerns, and bullying, but in all honesty i think the way this is being advocated for (being AWDTSG is toxic movement) is flawed in the sense that it looks like any women who supports this movement is a “pick me” and the men are just the “creeps”. Its the reason we have these groups, and I think in order to get people to actually listen and care it should be looked at from a different perspective. I am trying to be a realist here.

I will start by sharing how I found out about these groups, you can skip this paragraph, but it adds some context. I have a friend who was posted on this group by his ex wife. I have heard the trauma that he has been put through by her, being physically and verbally abused, she was even arrested for battery after beating him, to put this into perspective. He told me about another messed up thing she did: she posted about him on a are we dating the same guy local group (after they were separated) and said all the things she did to him he did to her. How did he find out? She sent him screenshots of the comment section to upset him. She ended up being removed from the group, not because of false accusations, but because she shared the post. He said he lost friends and aquatintes, he was upset, but to him it was just another thing she did.

When I heard this I was disgusted, because it dismisses credibility of actual cases. I find that sickening. I used to volunteer for RAINN, and I am a survivor of sexual assault myself, and a huge advocate for justice being served to those who harm others in this way. If we want to believe women, and men for that matter, we need those that lie to be held accountable. Groups like this foster an environment that, in turn, creates more hostility towards women themselves. It fuels toxic masculinity and incel mindsets. I WANT TO NOTE: I am in NO way saying people in this subreddit are like that, I am saying AWDTSG creates people like that.

I think advocating for the issues of are we dating the same guy in the viewpoint that it fosters more hatred and going backwards in terms of justice being served to rapists and violent men, is the best way to go about it. Because its true. I think if you want your voices to be heard and appreciated, it can’t come from a victim mentality, because it wont resonate with people on the fence.

Edit: thank you for your responses I do want to clarify: I do not agree with the fact that men don’t get to be a victim. It’s a sad reality. I am not in anyway trying to say this is okay. I am trying to say this is probably the best way to go about this. Obviously there is a bigger issue at hand.