In love with a married man

I (45F) am in love with a married man (47M) who has 3 kids ages 20-10. We started out as colleagues at work but because of constantly being together we have fallen in love. This has been going on now for almost 10 years and though we break up and not “see” each other for a month or so things happen and we’re back together. I don’t know if his wife knows about me because I refuse to know or hear anything about her. I have asked him repeatedly to divorce his wife because I’m so angry that we have to sneak around. We can’t even go on dates because we know many people in our town and the three of us (me, him & the wife) hold respected positions in our church. I really love him and he says he loves me too but he’s still not divorcing his wife. Will I be the AH if I give him a deadline? I just want my man and my chance at happiness.