A question for the guys...

So, ADHD-C here. My whole life I've found sexual encounters difficult due to anxiety. So when I started getting further than second base, I would be so self conscious about everything, where I'm touching, what I'm doing, am I doing this right. Of course, fight or flight kicks in and my guy doesn't rise to the occasion. This had spiral affect where I was afraid of that happening and became hyper aware of my entire body/manhood sensations and it got worse and worse and worse.

Fast forward a few years, and I'm married, our sex life is okay, but I'm always analyzing everything, touch here, grab there, kiss there, how is she responding. At the same time I'm still nervous about how I'm responding to everything, hard enough, lasting long enough etc. I almost would use the "flex" muscle to keep erections the entire time during sex. Almost forcing myself through it.

The problem though was also untreated ADHD I was hyper sexual, meaning I wanted it all the time, but when I got it, I couldn't enjoy it as I was too busy performing. I got some ED meds and they worked good for erections, however I'm still in my head and then developed PE. Lifes cruel irony.

Now I'm medicated, the meds (at high doses) stop my brain from going crazy, but at the same time they make the PE and ED significantly worse, if I'm at a good dose for my brain, my parts don't work at all. Then as they all wear off in the evening, I find the ED worse than ever without the ED meds.

I just want to have a normal health sex life where I'm touching and being touched enjoyably and can be "in the moment" without analyzing everything. ADHD has taken everything from me, my self esteem, my ability to progress in a career. I just want this one thing and I can't even have it. I kind of feel alone, like I'm the only person with all of this, many people have one or the other, but few have both.

Has anyone experienced this? Did you find anything that helps? Edit: I'm blown away by everyones kind responses, I'll try get to them all! Thank you so much!